poetry critical

online poetry workshop


when i breathe deep
it seldom hurts but
still makes me think
even though i have a few
good years left
that inevitably you must
be left alone
when i was young one thing that scared me
out of two
was the thought that i might never find love
or be loved
it is the knowledge of leaving a love behind

27 Mar 08

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 7, 7, 7

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Good but would be much better with punctuation.  Point well made but not beautifully made.  
 — Isabelle5

So beautiful, so true, so painful. I want to adopt this poem
 — unknown

the title is not very good. this poem reads easily and the concept is cute but has been used before and unfotunately i knew where it was going at line 10. the verb is line 14 is awful.
 — raskolniikov

why whiff ?
 — unknown

ok raskol.
 — hank

lovely poem, hank.
 — varun

Got it  = what if
 — unknown

I really liked this a lot :) Good stuff!!
 — psychofemale