poetry critical

online poetry workshop

"Seal-dianne's" (a) wand

"Seal-dianne's" (a) wand
with ivory-like peak,
shaved sideless milieu
creates a thunder and a click.
A basin of skin
with polished silver lining
feels every rhythmic
expanding and contracting.
From maple or hickory
or birch perhaps - ask a Fleetwood.
Just "seal-dianne's" wand
and I'll be in the mood.
***inspired by the works of fractalcore***

6 Apr 08

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


i like that word 'milieu"...

think L8 needs reworking...not really seeing the core in this. probably the best thing i have read all day though.
 — DeformedLion

Oh thanks DL.  Glad you liked this piece.  

Hmm...will think about L8.  You might wanna help me out...I'll be very grateful.  :)  I'm a beginner and I love it when you give criticisms (especially constructive ones).
 — happymole

hmm, very sweet of you, happymole.

this is amazing. if i'm not mistaken, you're
referring to Fleetwood the drummer and are
describing your Zildian drumsticks? i wouldn't
have been able to do it like you did it in this

you might wanna put a spce around the hyphen
after "perhaps".

very nice work.
: )
 — fractalcore

ZildJian, i'm sorry.
: )
 — fractalcore

very nice choice of words, too, happymole.
: )
 — fractalcore

Thanks fract!  There goes the space around the hyphen after "perhaps".
 — happymole

I've been trying to redo L8 (as suggested by DL) but couldn't find the right words...need some help here.  Thanks.
 — happymole

may i suggest "reverb, reverberating"
for that? it's not that great a line but that's
how i'd describe the snare or any kind of drum.

: )
 — fractalcore

Fleetwood Mac is a great band, btw.

: )
 — fractalcore

Hmm...I dunno how to explain but you see, what I meant by rhythmic expanding and contracting is the 'beat'.  The snare feels every beat of the (Zildjian) drumsticks but there's a metaphor there...I used expanding and contracting to describe the beat because I wanted to, in a way, show in my poem that every beat comes from the heart.  I don't really know how to explain my thoughts here but I do hope that you now have a clue of what I am trying to say.  :)  But thanks for the suggestions, fract.  :)
 — happymole

ok, so you can picture/present the heart
here as a reverberating organ then.
: )
 — fractalcore