poetry critical

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garters (the order of)
hank

is there a poem in here
 1
no
 2
no poem
 3
only a one liner and i'm not in the mood for that
 4
 
 
ok
 5
then let's tell a poem
 6
 
 
and what would you tell them
 7
well
 8
 
 
well maybe the story of how
 9
i kept some snakes
 10
garters not gardeners
 11
(i'm not being smart i made that mistake
 12
when i was little)
 13
 
 
who smelled of musk
 14
should they become threatened
 15
they'd spray it all over you
 16
and you couldn't get it off
 17
(trying tomato juice was stupid stuff
 18
for skunks)
 19
and you had them
 20
pets
 21
good ones
 22
but after awhile
 23
when you went to release them
 24
they puffed up themselves
 25
made like adders
 26
because even though you had them
 27
they were still scared of the tank
 28
maybe or it was just that taste
 29
of freedom or the smell of what's out there
 30
but all i know
 31
is that they knew
 32
when to blow themselves up and act
 33
like a rattler by flattening their head
 34
and flicking their tale
 35
(do many herpetologists know that they do this?)
 36
they acted
 37
like they had nothing left to lose (or loose)
 38
 
 
i let them beautiful snakes go every time
 39
black with yellow rails
 40
traintracking through weedy wood
 41
fast
 42

8 Apr 08

Rated 8 (9) by 1 users.
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Comments:

i like the way you led us into this slightly dark little tale.. 40 to 43 - wonderful imagery..
 — Mongrol

Nice , nice , nice
love 1 - 9
the image of study is very clear
love 37
nice poem
 — sir_I_clan

thanks. what'r you up too?
 — hank

Enjoyable poem.  I used to get the name wrong as a kid too.
I didn't think I would like "them" as in "them beautiful snakes", because I'm not a fan of poor grammar, but in poetry sometimes it does fit nicely.
like here.
 — unknown

nice , just re-read it
13-14 lol.
up too , not a lot
stu just phoned to say and i quote
'me and your sis as a treat to you have booked a days shooting for your birthday'
500 hundred cartridges , one small hide , eight hours shooting and boy blunder
life is over.
 — unknown

Ended in office
Funny night
you were missed
miss you.
When you start work ?
This is the best i have read read from you
Latletly

(and to think how shy i was before)
 — sir_I_clan

I love this.
 — sir_I_clan

'let's tell a story, turn it into a poem' is a joke. go poem yourself with a bong and leave writing alone here. you have friends hiding in creaks of the sofa, talk to them instead.
 — geckodrome

gecko hahha you are such a wise acher
 — unknown

ah..so this would nt be the garter
a woman wears round her thigh for a
wedding~ or in my case a funeral .......i like you let them go!
 — Liliana

ha, i just realized that i was an unknown on this poem seeing how i'm reading all your poems tonight (or most of them) but i don't feel like bumping them because that little trend can sod off!
anyway i saw i had commented here,
but said, wut? where's my name?  wha'd i say?  
but now i remember them beautiful snakes and nowadays i'm way less anal about poetic bad grammar.

nice peom.  
 — jenakajoffer

you dead yet
your poems lateness has been overlooked
farting dead people chuking a rock at was i
what the fuck, be honest mate your not missed by Vanda,

noise did make me laugh (out loud, in the library)cunt.
 — sir_I_clan

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