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Sonnet to a Pet Rat

Max dear friend I remember it so;
How your great pink eyes began to dim,
And your coat as white as driven snow,
Took on the shade of rusted tin.
Resting on straw with labored breath,
Quietly awaiting the angel of death;
No magic potion friend so dear,
Would have saved you from that spectre I fear.
In mind's eye I see you running free,
Through grass, through straw, and along my arm;
A graceful member of the family,
A creature filled with love and charm.
Oh! Max dear friend I miss you so,
And hope you've found peace wherever rats go.

17 Apr 08

Rated 8.7 (9) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 8
Inactive (1): 9, 9, 10, 10

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Wonderful ryhmes.  they just slide off the tongue, even the non specific ryhmes.  L10 kinda breaks the rythm for me a bit.  I can't figure out why exactly, its all about the sounds and syllabols i suppose.

Oh and i believe rat heaven involves cheese trash and 99 virgin rats
 — newslang5

i think you meant "thou" but you will lose the rhyme...
 — greenmantle

don't run after form... run after meaning...

original, on this site...
 — greenmantle

what are you talking about, there is no right way to form a poem... whatever that is
 — newslang5

besides, its a casual memorial and it captures that pretty completely.  if you should worry about rhyme its because it is limiting the phrases your creating to push the meaning rather then the meaning itself
 — newslang5

the worst sort of abuse of the form, but the form sucks anyway so i don't mind. it's a nice humorous verse submission, and will maybe work in some soft-comedy environment -- AARP Journal -- or, better, innocuously included in a parody of the new yorker.
 — joey

your quite pretentious
 — newslang5

pretentious what?
 — joey

joey is pretty
 — unknown

pretty what?
 — unknown

Thanks for the comments newslang5, greenmantle, and joey.  joey is right, this is an abuse of the form, done purposely I should add.  I'm not trying to be Shakespeare here, just trying to provide a little levity.  The poem certainly does not deserve a 10, but I'll take it.
 — PaulS

i'm a rat.
 — raskolniikov

This is cute, Paul.  Sad, when our little beloveds leave us, huh?  I know.  I lost my baby girl (a deaf white Persian kitty with one blue eye and one orange eye) two years ago this month.  I was devastated.  I wrote a poem about her entitiled (by her name), "Pennye."  It's here on P.C. somewhere in the Starrchives.  Heehee.  My condolences, buddy and again, this is cute.  :-)
 — starr

Thanks starr.  This is a poem about a pet rat my son had years ago.  I did it in this form because I thought  it would add a little humor to go along with the angst of pet loss.  Thanks for reading and for the comment.
 — PaulS

wow. lucky rat.
i can say you really "give a rat's ass" ;)
anyways but this is quite good.
i'd say remove "were thee" from line 11, ending it on "family" doesnt disturb your rhyme scheme.
wow. lucky rat again!
 — trochee

Thanks trochee, I made the suggested change.
 — PaulS

Max, dear friend
your eyes are dim,
walk to the rosebush
to the rats of Nimh.

great poem, Paul.  it reminded me of the movie
(The Secret of Nimh).
 — jenakajoffer

Oh, cute!  I just read a book by a woman who says she can 'talk' to animals, with rats being her favorite pet and companion.  She rescues them and they sometimes 'reincarnate' in a new one.  Believe that part or not, this is very sweet and ratty.
 — Isabelle5

That's my husband's name - i thought you knew him and it was metaphorical!
 — unknown

Thanks for the positive comments everyone.  I wrote this on a whim, just for fun--he was a great rat, though.
 — PaulS

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 — unknown