streetlights throw a neon glare.
drunks at all the subway stops.
Stray cats prowl in alleyways
while homeless drifters
flit for days.
Trolley passes through the slum
picking up another bum.
In honor of Lucille Marshall who wasn't even my English teacher, but who was the first person who ever truly read, showed interest in and encouraged me to continue writing. God bless you for that. This poem is my 100th poem on Poetry Critical. :-)
29 Apr 08
Rated 8.6 (8.5) by 7 users.
Active (7): 9, 10
Inactive (1): 6, 8, 8, 8, 10
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If this isn't Starr, I'll eat my red hat, including the purple feather!
start eatin it soft and sweet girlfriend
Actually, Isabelle, you can pass that hat to the unknown now. :-)
gulp! At least I'd rather eat a red hat with a purple feather than wear one.
I never said I wear it, I just own it, it was a gift from a friend. I do not wear hats much, if ever.
well it's kinda very up front with its communication. if this was indeed your first poem, then i'd have to say not much from a critical standpoint, but if not, then, having read my fair share of your stuff i'd express some dismay at it
Its sort of perfect.
I don't believe this was your first.
Your first should be made into a paper-plane and thrown out the window-
and your body should follow, if only.
wow, good 1st...
more poetic power to you.
This poem just rolls off the tongue the rhythm is so good. Nice work.
Chuckle_s and DeformedLion, we all begin somewhere. Rhyme is a safe place for most beginners. Fractalcore and Paul, thanks for your kind words. Poetry was never anything I thought I'd end up doing for 25 years, but it was the one artform, like Isabelle says in her "Refridgerator Art" poem that "always had its teeth in me." Peace! :-)
a lyrical piece that takes us along like a song without the preach pressing to teach or the judging diatribe conniving to bribe -- simple and deep with eyes wide open seeing all the world!
Thank you, AlchemiA for your usual sweet and encouraging words. I appreciate them. :-)
When I read this, I see kids on corner stops and driveways, playing hop scotch and sing song rhymes. Not crash hot on the work itself, but damn, those images are something altogether...
Thank you, Wendz! I like your images! :-)
very nice I like it a lot ^.^
This is pretty neat, a great setting.
how wonderful that you have kept your first poem. i unfortunetly have lost mine. and what a milestone, 100 poems. would you ever be daring enough to delete them all and start again? by the way, good first poem, your teacher definetly saw potential.
Thanks, hidden_words, technomancer and Rask for your kind comments. :-) Would I ever delete them all and start again?...HELL NO!!! It took forEVER just 2 get THIS FAR!!!! Lucille Marshall wasn't even MY English teacher. MY English teacher showed HER the poem and she (Lucille) took interest in my writing ability and encouraged me to keep writing. I'll never forget her. She's really the true backbone of my poetry. Okay, guys...I'm still at work, but just wanted to drop by and say thank you. :-)
i don't want to damage the flow here, but if you removed while from line eight, i think that would match the previous structure, and add a poetic touch to that particular stanza ...
but, that's just my idea on it. i like this, for a first poem like it even more. you can't really tell.
this does good things to my mind.
if this is your first poem then it really is a good one planting it mainly on images.
forgot to fave this.