|One Night Stands
Would the portrait in my brain
be a snapshot of the boys
who left the infections I craved for,
like junk, burning
in the night
bright as star reflections
the next day
when neither of us had names anymore.
Relieved and wide with tears,
I kept praying the visions were just a phase
but it kept going
like hope, that liar,
a pretty sin really,
the opposite of burning.
11 May 08
Rated 9 (9) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10, 10
Inactive (4): 7, 7, 8, 10, 10
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Amazing. Absolutely intoxicating. I could read this a million times and still adore it and feel the wheeling in my stomach as I relate to the words.
brilliant. lines 14 and 15 are magic.
thanks I wasnt sure about whether this still needed work
This is really, really good. The first stanza is amazing--as is the rest.
I know exactly what you mean.
Of all of it, I find the last line the best, but the rest seems a little 'all been said before.'
I did not find this anything like the how the previous readers did,
except I do agree fully with Opal.
This is the best poem you have here.
I would change some words but it is your's
13-15 (very good)
you really should not have edited out the first part of this.
please bring it back.
hmm what about this compromise?
YES! just as it should be -- a good compromise.
no prob, and I agree..much better then my other revision : )