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unknown

I imagine those derelict hotels
 1
where you wrap filthy words
 2
around your frigid lover's tongue.
 3
The place your shadow curls,
 4
I send my cashmere draped ghazal
 5
as a woolen reminder
 6
to keep you tender and virginal
 7
until
 8
before our intents become defunct stations
 9
rustic hands sedate
 10
and insect eyes cheapen.
 11

19 May 08

Rated 8.5 (7.4) by 8 users.
Active (8): 9, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (14): 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 3, 6, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

frigid lover? wooden reminder?
 — unknown

Sexually unresponsive. wooden reminder= tangible, Capable of being treated as fact
 — trochee

i know what frigid means. would one keep a lover who was frigid? what would be the point? a spouse maybe, but not a lover.
a cashmere draped poem/song is soft not hard as expressed by wooden. maybe woolen.
 — unknown

yes. it is pointless. but not everything is done for a point.
agreed. a cashmere draped poem/song is soft but its sole purpose is a reminder as tangible as wood/pebble/stone/a dried leaf as a bookmark.
ahuh... cant be woollen.
 — trochee

wow. just didnt notice the 10s at all.
thanks good unknowns.
 — trochee

your titles are snappy -- l9 seems to have pluralsy and though Poesy's along it could be stronger -- l11 is ingenious and wraps the Poem in it's intended metaphor well 'I imagine those derelict hotels where insect eyes cheapen' -- mmm
 — AlchemiA

Your poetry is extemely inspiring these days, my friend.  You paint with words so that readers can visualize the scapes you put into verse.  L's 5-7 are brilliant in their "naughtiness," if you will.  I like the way tenderness and hardness are juxtaposed here.  It's animalistic and it's gentle all at the same time in perfect balance.  You go, boy!
 — starr

Yes. Very well crafted.
 — PaulS

obviously about the influence and love between banditfemme and hinduhomme
 — unknown

thanks starr, alchemia and pauls, your presence here is honored.
 — trochee

those insect eyes...!

a well verse piece of sordid reality, nicely written  and beautiful imagery
 — Mongrol

versed#
 — Mongrol

woaah long time mongrol. thanks mate.
and thank you good moderator.
 — trochee

I hope this is a personal message.
it's really, really good.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

Dink you jen!
 — trochee

Trochee is this your poem or banditfemme?
 — unknown

Oh sweet unknown i take that as a compliment.
 — trochee

ghazal as totem is a breathtaking image. I'm intrigued by the rustic hands. They sound capable. Lovely to walk through an unforeign landscape.

your stranger
 — unknown

Oooh... more whore vs. virgin imagery.  I like the duality.  Did a person u know turn into a sex worker before your eyes?  You seem to be so in touch with that phenomenon.
 — unknown

That was me ^^^  Guess u have to be logged in to rate something...
 — aforbing

Thank you stranger.

Aforbing ;)
Well thanks.
 — trochee

Save one of your poems for me so I can burn it...NEXT!!!
 — unknown

It^s a fuckinn turn on
 — Hulda

thank you Hulda!
 — trochee

Haha derelict hotel is perfectly fitting, tell me trochee,  prophecy?
 — unknown

ostrich eggs emerge from alarmingly stretched holes; no matter, your pursed, prune lips compensate.
 — unknown

your egg is bigger than your brain.
 — unknown

"woolen" it is.
 — trochee

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