Any comment would be helpful.
This is like a existential Hush poem, quiet and aware of the moment. The only thing I question is pastel leaves. The tree leaves should be vibrant green at this time of the year, are you speaking of the wildflowers, too? I had the impression of the trees only, which I would not have thought to call pastel.
Lovely, restful and quiet.
that voice which only the heart can hear -- Peace is that wordless cry -- very nice appreciation of Nature as inspiration where being in the moment is Her way and nothing more need we say --
Ooh, what a very pretty edge-of-the-forest-where-the-brush-is-tall-and-flowers-grow painting you've created in my mind. Merci beaucoup.
Thanks all for the wonderful comments.
Isabelle: you might have a point about "pastel," or it could just be a regional thing.
I live in New England and the new leaves tend to be a lighter shade in early spring. I was also trying to be mindful of consonance and assonance--alliteration. It does sound a bit cliche though. I'll try to work on it.
I think this is a beautiful poem
but please allow me to give you my thoughts?
I feel this poem would be stronger with a few minor changes to words you already have here:
purple trillium "stands" stark
trout lilies "hunger" for sun
while bells of wintergreen "bow" their heads
L15 remove "and" place a comma,
then changing "feel" to feeling in 16.
i do find the choice 'conifer' a strange word to roll of the tongue, a little bumpy for this smooth poem. i was hoping for something softer and more specific, (also feeling a one-syllable word would suit nicely here), but you know, just my opinion.
this is so pretty, and your choice of flowers and other trees are wonderful.
'stout oak', perfect. and what a lovely ending.
nice writing paul,
and sorry, I'm not logged in but when i have thoughts, (and i really like a poem) i have to say them right away or i will forget. =-)
now that i am logged
i can rate. =-)
Thanks Jen, for the common sense changes.
hey i really love this...i love the imagery:line 7 "trout lilies hunger for the sun" and "pastel leaves" the last line...i like what you did with title too..i understand what your saying....
"understanding that I too play a role in this season of resurrection," beautiful.
Thanks, brother_sun and autumn1860, for taking the time to read and comment.
love delights in love. joy delights in joy. poetry delights in poetry... L. Ferlinghetti.... j.g. smiles
Thanks for reading goeszon.
hey Paul. i've missed out on this poem too long, glad i finally found it.
i like the double meaning with "play," the obvious definition and the reference to line twenty-one.
your internal rhyme scheme is used well. i tend to like internal rhymes, because they are subtle, but add that extra rhythm to the poem. can be daunting if used wrong, of course. but this poem doesn't even dream of using such a thing.
the poem seems finalized to me. i can imagine myself in this setting. you've created the atmosphere, and taken us there.
Nice you can almost hear a breeze
listen, I appreciate your stopping by and commenting. Thank you, also, Ebony.
the Great Lady of the Wood and the Green Man -- it's wondrous how tuning into Nature can lift the veil
Beautiful. Particularly the last stanza. So fairytale like, and yet so real, genuine and true.
Good use of alliteration and sounds, too!
You might consider not using too many ; in one poem or space them out so they are not at all close to each other.
I was walking with you here. I don't think you need "stand silent' in line 14, it could be okay to begin that line with 'I listen to the wind.."
Excellent, daily small drama understood and appreciated.
Thanks for the re-visit Alc and Isabelle. Thanks for the comments, JustineCH and BxPR, much appreciated.
LOL! Just a cut above Blue Mountain Arts with the goddess thrown in!
You should study the Romantics who did they stuff so much better.
Meanwhile I choke on:
searching the sky for illumination 8
before closing their mouths 9
for the evening;
I stand silent listening to wind 14
rustle pastel leaves, 15
feel the earth's heart-beat
Can 't think of anything much more awkward or cliche'd.
Well, chechaffin, you are welcome to your opinion--but I disagree, as do a number of others.
Paul appeals Coach Purses Outlet to people Coach Factory Outlet whose knowledge Coach Factory Outlet of major Coach Factory Outlet Online issues is Coach Factory Outlet Online superficial (and) Coach Outlet Online he sees Coach Factory Outlet conspiracies where Coach Purses there are none Coach Factory Outlet," said Greg Coach Factory Store Valliere, chief Coach Outlet Store Online political strategist Coach Outlet Online Store at Potomac Coach Outlet Online Research Group Coach Outlet, an analysis firm. Coach Outlet "If he does Cheap Coach Bags well in Iowa Coach Factory Outlet Online, which is Coach Outlet Online likely, it Coach Outlet Store Online will be Coach Bags
an enormous embarrassment to the Republicans."However, Paul's calls for a dramatically limited government and a hands-off foreign policy are resonating among voters who have grown deeply alienated from Washington after a decade of war and nearly five years of economic malaise
Few watch aficionados realize that the Japanese brand seiko watch has a history as old as many of its Swiss rivals. Founded in the 1880s, the company began manufacturing wrist seiko watches after World War I and quickly became an innovative leader, developing one of the world's first seiko automati c and seiko chronograph. But perhaps Seiko's greatest achievement came about in its race with the American brand Bulova to harness new technology, leading to the quartz watch, which revolutionized the industry and nearly drove the Swiss out of business.
More innovations followed, including the first computer wristwatch, in 1984, and the first nonbattery s eiko kinetic watch. To this list we can now add another groundbreaker: the Seiko Spring Drive mechanical movement, which is accurate to one second per day, making it approximately three times more precise than the average mechanical watch. The Spring Drive also provides an enduring seventy-two hours of power reserve (most watches offer about forty) and winds 30 percent faster than a conventional movement.
According to seiko uk, twenty-eight years of work went into developing this movement, and only five of the company's hundreds of watchmakers possess the requisite skills to assemble it. Regardless of its technological history, the seiko 5 is a skillfully designed watch, with graceful hands and interesting use of off-center dials.