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I Find Peace
PaulS

in the midst of trees
 1
while walking the forest
 2
to catch sight of the season’s
 3
first wildflowers:
 4
 
 
purple trillium stands stark
 5
against the gray-black bark of a stout oak;
 6
trout lilies hunger for sun,
 7
searching the sky for illumination
 8
 
 
before closing their mouths
 9
for the evening;
 10
white bells of wintergreen
 11
bow their heads
 12
to an unseen master.
 13
 
 
I stand silent listening to wind  
 14
rustle pastel leaves,
 15
feel the earth's heart-beat
 16
in the roots of
 17
conifer and broadleaf.
 18
 
 
I am humbled to hear
 19
the Great Lady of the Wood whisper
 20
her sweet song of redemption,  
 21
understanding that I too play a role
 22
in this season of
 23
resurrection.
 24

20 May 08

Rated 9.3 (8.4) by 6 users.
Active (6): 8, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (6): 1, 2, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

Any comment would be helpful.
 — PaulS

This is like a existential Hush poem, quiet and aware of the moment.  The only thing I question is pastel leaves.  The tree leaves should be vibrant green at this time of the year, are you speaking of the wildflowers, too?  I had the impression of the trees only, which I would not have thought to call pastel.  

Lovely, restful and quiet.  
 — Isabelle5

that voice which only the heart can hear -- Peace is that wordless cry -- very nice appreciation of Nature as inspiration where being in the moment is Her way and nothing more need we say --
 — AlchemiA

Ooh, what a very pretty edge-of-the-forest-where-the-brush-is-tall-and-flowers-grow painting you've created in my mind. Merci beaucoup.
 — mindbodysoul

Thanks all for the wonderful comments.
Isabelle:  you might have a point about "pastel," or it could just be a regional thing.
I live in New England and the new leaves tend to be a lighter shade in early spring. I was also trying to be mindful of consonance and assonance--alliteration.  It does sound a bit cliche though.  I'll try to work on it.
 — PaulS

Hi Paul,
I think this is a beautiful poem
but please allow me to give you my thoughts?

I feel this poem would be stronger with a few minor changes to words you already have here:

purple trillium "stands" stark
trout lilies "hunger" for sun
while bells of wintergreen "bow" their heads
L15 remove "and" place a comma,
then changing "feel" to feeling in 16.

i do find the choice 'conifer' a strange word to roll of the tongue, a little bumpy for this smooth poem.  i was hoping for something softer and more specific, (also feeling a one-syllable word would suit nicely here), but you know, just my opinion.

this is so pretty, and your choice of flowers and other trees are wonderful.
'stout oak', perfect.  and what a lovely ending.

nice writing paul,
and sorry, I'm not logged in but when i have thoughts, (and i really like a poem) i have to say them right away or i will forget.  =-)

thanks,
jen
 — unknown

now that i am logged
i can rate.  =-)
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks Jen, for the common sense changes.
 — PaulS

hey i really love this...i love the imagery:line 7 "trout lilies hunger for the sun" and "pastel leaves" the last line...i like what you did with title too..i understand what your saying....
 — brother_sun

"understanding that I too play a role in this season of resurrection," beautiful.
 — autumn1860

Thanks, brother_sun and autumn1860, for taking the time to read and comment.
 — PaulS

love delights in love. joy delights in joy. poetry delights in poetry... L. Ferlinghetti.... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Thanks for reading goeszon.
 — PaulS

hey Paul. i've missed out on this poem too long, glad i finally found it.

i like the double meaning with "play," the obvious definition and the reference to line twenty-one.

your internal rhyme scheme is used well. i tend to like internal rhymes, because they are subtle, but add that extra rhythm to the poem. can be daunting if used wrong, of course. but this poem doesn't even dream of using such a thing.

the poem seems finalized to me. i can imagine myself in this setting. you've created the atmosphere, and taken us there.
 — listen

Nice you can almost hear a breeze
 — Ebony

listen, I appreciate your stopping by and commenting.  Thank you, also, Ebony.
 — PaulS

the Great Lady of the Wood and the Green Man -- it's wondrous how tuning into Nature can lift the veil
 — AlchemiA

Beautiful. Particularly the last stanza. So fairytale like, and yet so real, genuine and true.

Good use of alliteration and sounds, too!
 — JustineCH

You might consider not using too many ; in one poem or space them out so they are not at all close to each other.

I was walking with you here.  I don't think you need "stand silent' in line 14, it could be okay to begin that line with 'I listen to the wind.."

Excellent, daily small drama understood and appreciated.  
 — Isabelle5

Soothing
 — BxPR

Thanks for the re-visit Alc and Isabelle.  Thanks for the comments, JustineCH and BxPR, much appreciated.
 — PaulS

LOL!  Just a cut above Blue Mountain Arts with the goddess thrown in!

You should study the Romantics who did they stuff so much better.

Meanwhile I choke on:

searching the sky for illumination  8
before closing their mouths  9
for the evening;

I stand silent listening to wind    14
rustle pastel leaves,  15
feel the earth's heart-beat

Can 't think of anything much more awkward or cliche'd.
 — cechaffin

Well, chechaffin, you are welcome to your opinion--but I disagree, as do a number of others.
 — PaulS

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