|I Find Peace
in the midst of trees
while walking the forest
to catch sight of the season’s
purple trillium stands stark
against the gray-black bark of a stout oak;
trout lilies hunger for sun,
searching the sky for illumination
before closing their mouths
for the evening;
white bells of wintergreen
bow their heads
to an unseen master.
I stand silent listening to wind
rustle pastel leaves,
feeling the earth's heart-beat
in the roots of
conifer and broadleaf.
I am humbled to hear
the Great Lady of the Wood whisper
her sweet song of redemption,
understanding that I too play a role
in this season of
20 May 08
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Any comment would be helpful.
This is like a existential Hush poem, quiet and aware of the moment. The only thing I question is pastel leaves. The tree leaves should be vibrant green at this time of the year, are you speaking of the wildflowers, too? I had the impression of the trees only, which I would not have thought to call pastel.
Lovely, restful and quiet.
that voice which only the heart can hear -- Peace is that wordless cry -- very nice appreciation of Nature as inspiration where being in the moment is Her way and nothing more need we say --
Ooh, what a very pretty edge-of-the-forest-where-the-brush-is-tall-and-flowers-grow painting you've created in my mind. Merci beaucoup.
Thanks all for the wonderful comments.
Isabelle: you might have a point about "pastel," or it could just be a regional thing.
I live in New England and the new leaves tend to be a lighter shade in early spring. I was also trying to be mindful of consonance and assonance--alliteration. It does sound a bit cliche though. I'll try to work on it.
I think this is a beautiful poem
but please allow me to give you my thoughts?
I feel this poem would be stronger with a few minor changes to words you already have here:
purple trillium "stands" stark
trout lilies "hunger" for sun
while bells of wintergreen "bow" their heads
L15 remove "and" place a comma,
then changing "feel" to feeling in 16.
i do find the choice 'conifer' a strange word to roll of the tongue, a little bumpy for this smooth poem. i was hoping for something softer and more specific, (also feeling a one-syllable word would suit nicely here), but you know, just my opinion.
this is so pretty, and your choice of flowers and other trees are wonderful.
'stout oak', perfect. and what a lovely ending.
nice writing paul,
and sorry, I'm not logged in but when i have thoughts, (and i really like a poem) i have to say them right away or i will forget. =-)
now that i am logged
i can rate. =-)
Thanks Jen, for the common sense changes.
hey i really love this...i love the imagery:line 7 "trout lilies hunger for the sun" and "pastel leaves" the last line...i like what you did with title too..i understand what your saying....
"understanding that I too play a role in this season of resurrection," beautiful.
Thanks, brother_sun and autumn1860, for taking the time to read and comment.
love delights in love. joy delights in joy. poetry delights in poetry... L. Ferlinghetti.... j.g. smiles
Thanks for reading goeszon.
hey Paul. i've missed out on this poem too long, glad i finally found it.
i like the double meaning with "play," the obvious definition and the reference to line twenty-one.
your internal rhyme scheme is used well. i tend to like internal rhymes, because they are subtle, but add that extra rhythm to the poem. can be daunting if used wrong, of course. but this poem doesn't even dream of using such a thing.
the poem seems finalized to me. i can imagine myself in this setting. you've created the atmosphere, and taken us there.
Nice you can almost hear a breeze
listen, I appreciate your stopping by and commenting. Thank you, also, Ebony.
the Great Lady of the Wood and the Green Man -- it's wondrous how tuning into Nature can lift the veil
Beautiful. Particularly the last stanza. So fairytale like, and yet so real, genuine and true.
Good use of alliteration and sounds, too!
You might consider not using too many ; in one poem or space them out so they are not at all close to each other.
I was walking with you here. I don't think you need "stand silent' in line 14, it could be okay to begin that line with 'I listen to the wind.."
Excellent, daily small drama understood and appreciated.
Thanks for the re-visit Alc and Isabelle. Thanks for the comments, JustineCH and BxPR, much appreciated.
LOL! Just a cut above Blue Mountain Arts with the goddess thrown in!
You should study the Romantics who did they stuff so much better.
Meanwhile I choke on:
searching the sky for illumination 8
before closing their mouths 9
for the evening;
I stand silent listening to wind 14
rustle pastel leaves, 15
feel the earth's heart-beat
Can 't think of anything much more awkward or cliche'd.
Well, chechaffin, you are welcome to your opinion--but I disagree, as do a number of others.