| Frenzy
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mindbodysoul
| Catch my heat | 1 |
on your lips, | 2 |
breathe it | 3 |
into chest | 4 |
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let it dance | 5 |
in your lungs, | 6 |
set your senses | 7 |
into a frenzy | 8 |
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release your balance | 9 |
and fall | 10 |
on my embrace | 11 |
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blanket yourself | 12 |
under my wings, | 13 |
as we soar through | 14 |
the divine | 15 |
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and then rest, | 16 |
under the sea of | 17 |
our creation. | 18 |
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22 Jun 08 |
Rated 8.8 (9) by 8 users.
Active (8): 1, 7, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (1): 10
(define the words in this poem)
(14 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
hmm, good stuff.
can't think of a title
to suggest to you yet.
: )
— fractalcore
Thank you, that was my dilemma as well.
I'm thinking :)
— mindbodysoul
hmm. how about "Into a frenzy" or "Frenzy" or "Frenzy loving"?:)
a very beautiful love poem
— nisetru
Thanks nisetru......good idea, I'll try it out .
— mindbodysoul
Hmm...this makes the recent best list with only two ratings?
I would be proud if that weren't too strange for me.
— mindbodysoul
you seem to use "your" a lot. "into" too.
— DeformedLion
That I do.
— mindbodysoul
maybe some form of 'we' in the stanza before L18?
Good jorb dear.
— EpicPants
This is very good. I like it alot and can't think of anything to improve it. Great job.
— PaulS
Why thanks, to both of you. Ooer, this is #3 now?
Some form of "we"? Before line 18? I don't quite understand :(
— mindbodysoul
the only thing i can think of is to remove the "your" from L4...in a way that thought is completed with the "your" in L6-- a kind of exhale.
— DeformedLion
Yeah, that's a good idea, thanks :)
— mindbodysoul
Sensual...pretty...poetic. :-)
— starr
forgot to fave this.
: )
— fractalcore
ooh, thanks :) I should write poems on the spur of the moment without really thinking more often.
— mindbodysoul
ahh, for some reason I feel like line 4 is so awkward though...after reading it a few times...
— mindbodysoul
Great flow, good work
— larrylark
Thank you very much Larry :D
— mindbodysoul
set your senses
7
into a frenzy
8
send, perhaps? I'm not sure frenzy is a setting on my senses.
Feels like a standard lovemaking poem to me, has a nice rhythm as well.
— technomancer
You can "set" something into action
rather than send
like setting off a trigger, that spark
that flickering action, unconsiously done
rather than "send" which is more an active verb
than a semi-passive one.
:)
— mindbodysoul
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