| the mention of an echo.
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midare
| uproot yourself. leave | 1 |
do not. look back again | 2 |
the bed-springs | 3 |
are broken | 4 |
and dangle. useless | 5 |
for the few things that you and i | 6 |
have left remaining. | 7 |
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it feels like months, here, | 8 |
when you move. we argue colors, | 9 |
sift through photographs | 10 |
like seasons | 11 |
to find a mood | 12 |
or ambiance | 13 |
or reason. | 14 |
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i feel like years ago, hushed and quiet; | 15 |
the mention of an echo. | 16 |
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27 Jun 08 |
Rated 9.2 (8.7) by 12 users.
Active (12): 2, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 1, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(77 more poems by this author)
(8 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
wonderful poem, midare.
i love the first stanza.
it hits me hard.
i find the first 7 lines a powerfully expressed poem.
no need for anymore.
s'cuse my anonymity,
but i had to come in to comment on this awesome piece.
=-)
— unknown
i think i agree with the above commenter who i think
is jenakajoffer.
hi, jen. how you been?
: )
— fractalcore
this feels in a spectrum of colours that sift the truth of relationships scales of pain like tumours in a fatal skin -- memories are often Angels dressed in soliloquies of Death --
— AphroDite
thank you, everyone :)
smile!
midare
— midare
something is missing in ambiance
i guess it moved out before you did
i m going to take my ambien and sleep on your bedsprings
st3ntorian
— unknown
This is beautifully expresed. Yearning, regret, remembrance of things past, the impossibility of renewal as we remain at the mercy of capricious emotions.
Larry adrift Lark
— larrylark
the impossibility of renewal......yes, that's it exactly, larry.
— midare
anyway....any suggestions on how i could make this a stronger poem?
— midare
it's like old times, inspiring and beautiful poems by midare.
i'm going to try and give you some suggestions -
uproot yourself. do not.
look back again, the bed
spring are broken; the dangle,
useless for the few things
you and i have left
remaining.
it feels like eons, here, when
you move. we argue
colours, sift through pictures
like seasons
to find a mood, or ambiance
or reason.
i feel like years ago, hushed
and quiet; the mention
of and echo.
— varun
springs.
they.
an.
fucking typos.
— varun
This is a wonderful piece of writing that I just added to my favorites. Gems like this are hard to find on this site of late--thank you for this one.
— PaulS
I like the abrupt stops here with the periods throughout (almost as if you're thinking deeply.) Very deep, pensive poem. Took me back to similar times/circumstances.
— starr
Setting the right Ambience might help
— unknown
good poem
— stout
fine season for an argument. nice pome.
— unknown
I guess I get it, but I just don't like the style, there is no reason not to capitolize or make complete sentences aside from assaulting my sense of rhythm, I guess.
Uproot yourself. Leave.
Do not look back again.
The bed-springs
are broken
and dangle, useless (now)
for the few things that you and I have left remaining.
It feels like months here,
when you move. (?) We argue colors,
sift through photograbps
like seasons (what are you getting at here?)
to find a mood
or ambiance
or reason. (reason-season rhyme is pretty rough)
I feel like years ago, hushed and quiet; (verb?)
the mention of an echo (verb?)
— technomancer
beautiful
— jerotich
I love this, very beautiful and poignant, heavy with understated emotion.
ps: spelling - ambience not ambiance
— smugzy
In fact, according to Roget either spelling is correct so I apologize! We favour "ambience" in the UK which is why I queried the spelling!
— smugzy
...echo...echo...echo....echo......echo.......echo........echo... ......echo..........
— onklcrispy
i'm touched. i love the rhythm; to me it imitates what life experience is like-stop and start and unpredictable vs. the memories of your life (much smoother).
— Xiada
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