| Birthday Poem
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nisetru
| . | 1 |
she brought one thought | 2 |
in a nut shell | 3 |
shall we move on? | 4 |
a tulip and two roses in a basket | 5 |
or shall we dance. | 6 |
i don’t know the steps, | 7 |
he said, counting to prove: | 8 |
one, two… by the time | 9 |
you reach next level, we are | 10 |
already new born. | 11 |
there’s all good | 12 |
and I hope it stays, | 13 |
I craved for innocence, | 14 |
he said, blowing out | 15 |
the thirty-first candle - | 16 |
the night stretched, | 17 |
lights turned on, | 18 |
a cat tested the roof in a corner, | 19 |
grandpa puffing on the lawn | 20 |
the moon the tree, a balloon. | 21 |
in the light of the first star | 22 |
she sailed away | 23 |
in his arms | 24 |
safely after | 25 |
a last attempt | 26 |
at crossing the line | 27 |
on his forehead | 28 |
between thoughts, honeyed kisses | 29 |
cake sticky fingers | 30 |
intertwined. | 31 |
. | 32 |
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27 Jun 08 |
Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10, 10
Inactive (0):
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Comments:
yeah, i remember this one very well.
i still love it. thanks for reposting, nisetru.
: )
— fractalcore
Very lyrical and plays out so well as it flows down the page.
Larry
— larrylark
11 might almost be "born again" -- cause it fits the rhythm tighter, and the cliche' of it is bleached by the almost but not quite distancing of the author from the poem itself. the wedging and levering of "shall we move on" and "shall we dance" is playful and language savvy and i'm reading this with interest, up to 11. then, after 11, it just feels like you need to write a long poem and come up with things to say to fill the spaces between the first moves and the last. it could be a shorter poem, but that would probably mean you'd have to not be ambitious and curious about the world. so, i'd just go with this and see what people say.
— joey
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