poetry critical

online poetry workshop



windows vista
unknown

do you recall  
 1
the times  
 2
you would  
 3
hide there  
 4
and silently
 5
mourn  
 6
rain drops  
 7
as they  
 8
infected
 9
reflections
 10
before
 11
bleeding
 12
diagonally  
 13
to their  
 14
deaths?
 15

        



© A

28 Jun 08

Rated 10 (8.4) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (18): 1, 1, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(8 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
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Comments:

Great imagery, perfectly worked and really hit a spot where i have been many times. Good work and extremely well observed
 — larrylark

you've captured a moment with feeling and writ with simplicity in that wit that sees the world in a raindrop
 — AphroDite

Stunning!  I've always loved the pattern of raindrops against the window screens.  It would take a poet to even think about writing something like this, wouldn't it?  :-)
 — starr

I spend a lot of time watching the rain through window screens--this gives me another perspective.  Thanks.
 — PaulS

thanks for this, poet.
: )
 — fractalcore

Beautiful imagery and wonderfully succinct.  Excellence in brevity.
 — sybarite

good poem
 — stout

This is very very good. Amazing imagery.
 — unknown

wouldn't they bleed diagonally first?
 — unknown

no they land then bleed usually at an angle
 — unknown

I have nothing much to say about the poem in general.

However line 9 made me think..
If “populate” is derived from the Latin word populus and means the people, then surely line 9 should have read inhabit or inhabited.

Mor.
 — unknown

I like this a lot. Not totally sure about the title. It doesn't conjure up anything in particular for me. I think "populated" makes perfect sense but it's not the most poetic word - don't know what might capture the sense you're after with a little more beauty. On the other hand, it pulled me up a little and stopped this slipping in to triteness.

smugzy
 — unknown

It could be that line ten is also wrong, especially to those to whom populated does not make prefect sense.
One cannot populate that which is thrown back by reflection; it is a contradiction in terms.

Mor.
 — unknown

i agree with you Mor but the poem is about perception which is not entirely rational or non rational.
 — unknown

i saw mor trying to populate himself in the stall next to george michael.
 — unknown

Yes.  I wish it would rain tonight...
 — Isabelle5

A great description of the barrier between introspective thoughts and the future...
 — shaunsout

Nicely done!
 — meganwhitney

i can even feel this poem
 — sherains

beautiful
 — silentspring

made me wet
 — unknown

NO
 — unknown

still love it
 — unknown

Still got my XP Windows, Bad luck getting a Vista
 — unknown

Love it
 — unknown

schoolboy poetry to sound like a schoolgirl to meet boys. too talky, too noisy. every poem in a book images. what's not to like, if you're a schoolboy wanting to meet you. i'm not.
 — cadmium

infected reflections bleeding  diagonically to their deaths is very picturesque
 — rivergood

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 — yaoxuemei

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