| The Taking
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SeanConnery
| Mary believed in the taking. | 1 |
She bowed to the man | 2 |
Who struck her and said | 3 |
She was wrong | 4 |
She was tired | 5 |
She was late | 6 |
She was slow. | 7 |
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Mary believed in the taking, | 8 |
And when she drove the sharpened steel, | 9 |
Honed fine in her hours alone, | 10 |
Into his chest and felt the hot blood | 11 |
Spread over her trembling hands, | 12 |
She knew without self-pity | 13 |
She was wrong | 14 |
She was tired | 15 |
She was late | 16 |
She was slow. | 17 |
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But there are times that justice | 18 |
Cries for a revolution, | 19 |
And this was one of those. | 20 |
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4 Jul 08 |
Rated 7 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 7
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
Hah! Odd layout and caps are a bit of a pain but it works great for me. There's so few poems here that give me any pleasure these days, SC, so thank you very much. :)
— unknown
I prefer to cap the first word, a personal choice I suppose. But it was my pleasure.
— SeanConnery
hot stuff, mr connery
— unknown
no rating on this one? I wonder.
— SeanConnery
7
— DeformedLion
a 7, thats a let down, Im a big fan of this one and thought it my be better received.
— SeanConnery
Well, its sort of finely cut...but the repetetion doesn't really work, in that, the conclusion isn't as provocative or interesting as the build-up.
The 3rd stanza really needs to stand against the first 2...maybe needs to work this "Mary" person into it.
And, you know, "into his chest"...ever seen "The Colour Purple"? a razor across the throat would be more intimate, more subtle. And symbollically it would work even better if she drove it into his groin area-- maybe afterwords.
— DeformedLion
I would leave as is. The repetition works really well and groin or throat would actually be far less subtle.
— unknown
well, yeah, stabbing him in the groin wouldn't be too subtle...the throat thing could be intimate though. for me the whole in the chest stab stab stab scenario seems too much like a vampire staking- kind of...
— DeformedLion
this is not suppose to be an intimate killing, I think a couple of you missed it.
— SeanConnery
Line 12 - trembling
You don't really need line 20, as lines 18-19 speak for themselves.
Rather morbid and I think if she said opposites, it might work better. Or maybe just that last one, NOT slow!
— Isabelle5
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