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Dressing To Please
larrylark

Everyday
 1
my clothes are a storm
 2
of high and low pressure,
 3
driving rain, deep depression,
 4
leaving me windswept, unkempt,
 5
a loosely pegged tent,
 6
except when pressed into service
 7
for baptisms, weddings and funerals.
 8
I lurch into church,
 9
jacket flying on high, trousers
 10
a tourniquet gripping my knees.
 11
A whirlwind, I swirl down the aisle
 12
to my pew, where I sink down,
 13
a spent force; suited, booted,
 14
becalmed; a zephyr, a breeze.
 15

28 Jan 04

Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 5, 7, 9, 9

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Comments:

the rhythm and slant rhymes are really fun to read. but to be just about clothes, this strikes me as a bit... dramatic.
 — jade

Jade, everything I do, say, think, wear and eat is about playing Hamlet. I thought this was quite restrained. I must go now, for my nightly wrestle with the trouser press - and for anyone else inclined to comment on this poem - don't get shirty with me. lol
 — larrylark

I like it. It works for me. The overdramatism that jade mentioned is there--it just clicks--especially when you get to L14 and L15. I love those lines.

Thumbs UP!!
 — rob

Apparently you have real trouble dressing except for serious functions. Relax, people are too judgemental anyway. Wear what you choose and be happy! Personally I like a bright orange shirt with red and green plaid pants. Oh, almost forgot the purple and pink paisley tie, blue clown shoes and yellow Mohawk haircut!
 — wamblicante

pretty, but the metaphor is a tad thin for what you're trying to do with it. nice cadence.
 — noodleman

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

sorry

delayed reaction to previous poem


staglaggingfagshaggingmagazines
 — unknown

sure, this is all fine 'n dandy...
butcha got clean undies???
well done
 — chuckles

I like it, I love the assonance and internal rhyming.
Really like lines 9 and 12 and 5. I don't know if there is a name for when you repeat consonant cobinations that are not at the begining of a word but I like it.
 — TheHarlequin

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