|Dressing To Please
my clothes are a storm
of high and low pressure,
driving rain, deep depression,
leaving me windswept, unkempt,
a loosely pegged tent,
except when pressed into service
for baptisms, weddings and funerals.
I lurch into church,
jacket flying on high, trousers
a tourniquet gripping my knees.
A whirlwind, I swirl down the aisle
to my pew, where I sink down,
a spent force; suited, booted,
becalmed; a zephyr, a breeze.
28 Jan 04
Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Inactive (3): 5, 7, 9, 9
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the rhythm and slant rhymes are really fun to read. but to be just about clothes, this strikes me as a bit... dramatic.
Jade, everything I do, say, think, wear and eat is about playing Hamlet. I thought this was quite restrained. I must go now, for my nightly wrestle with the trouser press - and for anyone else inclined to comment on this poem - don't get shirty with me. lol
I like it. It works for me. The overdramatism that jade mentioned is there--it just clicks--especially when you get to L14 and L15. I love those lines.
Apparently you have real trouble dressing except for serious functions. Relax, people are too judgemental anyway. Wear what you choose and be happy! Personally I like a bright orange shirt with red and green plaid pants. Oh, almost forgot the purple and pink paisley tie, blue clown shoes and yellow Mohawk haircut!
pretty, but the metaphor is a tad thin for what you're trying to do with it. nice cadence.
delayed reaction to previous poem
sure, this is all fine 'n dandy...
butcha got clean undies???
I like it, I love the assonance and internal rhyming.
Really like lines 9 and 12 and 5. I don't know if there is a name for when you repeat consonant cobinations that are not at the begining of a word but I like it.