poetry critical

online poetry workshop

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Welcome to Poetry Critical, an online poetry workshop. To post your own poetry, rate that of others, or start a new thread on the message board, you'll need to create a user id by typing a name and password in the box above and hitting 'New User'. If you just want to critique or jump into the discussion, however, you can do that without logging in by typing your comment in the box under each poem or post.

 
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Random Poem:

Provincial Concerns and the Recognition that Patrick Swayze is the Real Enemy
avermitsky

I.
 1
 
 
The Point that Baby Breaks,
 2
 
 
 
 
Baby’s first words were live my life: you wanted to eat
 3
on the meat side of the table and live under the tomato plants
 4
 
 
Conservation demanded our integrity while we:
 5
boorish and unkempt, straddled work and charity
 6
 
 
Our best intentions crook under our worst faces
 7
our summer parties reek of cheap shots at the winter’s air.
 8
 
 
Her motivation: little Baby wishes her pen pal out of
 9
Anbar; writes with determined knuckles swelled at the thought
 10
 
 
of war, and when will mom stop serving those animals finger foods:
 11
concessions to women who clean faces with hand soap containing the smallest
 12
 
 
hint of human blood, hint of what’s to come, dirty rumors washed with
 13
discussions of me, for once: I, as entity living in a confined space - I, as
 14
 
 
host to problems of increased governmental leaning – How we can afford
 15
a language school? Is it important for Baby to learn French?
 16
 
 
to grow with grace and still manage meat from the bone – finding substantive ways to say
 17
Dieu n'est pas dans les details. Les détails sont dans Dieu
 18
 
 
And does baby mix up? Does baby lack proper translation for the job? The orders? What forks stab at What concerns us is Baby has been saying nobody puts her in a corner:
 19
 
 
she has found American video and sweaty men – she has danced with American buffets full of choices: the fish looks palatable: the desert looks unsalvageable- what now?
 20
 
 
 
 
 
 
II
 21
 
 
sees Ghosts,
 22
 
 
 
 
Where Toledo was made saccharine by song; wishing wells,
 23
good to see you’s, let’s get togethers for a small portrait,
 24
 
 
ghosts that live in fall-out shelters on the shores of lake Lake Pontchartrain
 25
Danny got his drunk-on up in Montreal with fighters: glass-jawed beasts,
 26
 
 
targets of the census – we moved westward, our eyes sewed shut like test tube
 27
babies who will learn how to dance one; snuck looks at the Tetons: cosmic laugh
 28
 
 
angles cut by parallel weekends: back and forth from rise to run – baby who will
 29
learn how to die, haunt us with summer stock, dinner theater, WASPy nests of clay
 30
 
 
-amber preserving the memory of her father in a room that breathed underwater
 31
fishing poles, fishing nets, bottled ships, World’s Greatest Dad plague(s) under
 32
 
 
the teeth of old men: fedora armies, minds set on children who would find a way
 33
home to stoops of Brooklyn, hand in hand for Christmas dinner: amber encased rooms,
 34
 
 
shrines to ghosts that live in kitchens, that don’t want to go to bed; please, please
 35
one more hour
 36
 
 
 
 
 
 
III
 37
 
 
road side bomb houses,
 38
 
 
 
 
Yet they are an angry pride of eagles, well-wishing the sky away with thoughts
 39
of home - and Baby who has taken a new lover: the suited, successful type.
 40
 
 
Her net of rhetorical stickery: Blue: the populace as welcome host/holy host; country with greeting banners of gun muzzles and hemlock for afternoon coffee eager think-tanks
 41
 
 
We always thought you bigger – thought you able to pick out grains from the dunes.
 42
Instead we're sold foaming history that skips hearts with shape-charged chest caves:
 43
 
 
see-through pupils weaned on the beckoning paradise of repressed sex concerns,
 44
static electric screens that crack and snap at ingrained sword and sandal faith
 45
 
 
Patrick Swayze admires a desert sunset through the crosshairs Discovery’s newest weapons import - says original programming used to be about the dialogue of war:
 46
 
 
the decent things men say to preserve an empire – now left to large scale bar room brawls where anyone hits anyone and the Rotary Club savages the prisoners for road side clean up rights
 47
 
 
For customs: you tip the tender that serves you poison, you watch for signs of over saturation, you talk strong men out of overplaying their hand – discourage back room sleaze fucking
 48
 
 
Frances Houseman will wait for you in the Catskills – she is having the time of her life.
 49
She takes traditional Jewish levelers to bed under a blanket of mountain air – she dreams
 50
 
 
of unknown war – of “gloves on” duel custom – of presidents unafraid to take a bullet
 51
while you dance and surf and fight under cover of God’s original sky mold: decaying
 52
 
 
tape that turns eager, romantic gestures into violent subjugation: too much, too much
 53
rewinding of a pleasant memory – or constant rental of what is not ours: borrowed
 54
 
 
America it’s time to come home for dinner - time we talked about movies like they were
 55
important – time to forgo the blood beat of the war dance for popcorn and sore wisdom
 56
 
 
Baby prays for rebirth in placeholder beds of cowards; prays for absent men who would
 57
bring back proximity threats that pulsate in sun-dressed groins: deep rich throbs,
 58
 
 
heartsick wants to soundtrack the earth
 59
 
 
 
 
 
 
IV
 60
 
 
and ultimately questions the sincerity of her leading man.
 61
 
 
as if he said secret in muted tones of
 62
grey, as if you wanted his name to be
 63
soft – or sacred. as if you worried his midnight
 64
be crows feet clicking on the edge of the Catskills
 65
 
 
click click
 66
baby remains dumbfounded about punishment
 67
heaped on organisms devoid of brains
 68
in cell form
 69

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