Comments:
Nice, Simple but a rather nice one.
— unknown
I'm a bit confused.
Corners become*
Very abstract, maybe some substance?
7/10
— technomancer
there I made some changes...
really, you think its abstract? okay, i may need to look at this again
but thanks, really.
— RonRon
maybe, if you can understand poetry as a sound-wording over concept, line five could have only "now belongs to wall" -- since it stays inside the glass tube you're writing this in. and, "wall", by itself, is maybe on another and higher level than you intend, but the working of a poem should work on the reader's animal, and your first stanza does twist this animal while telling an image. i'm feeling that the failure of stanza three comes from an over-stating of the "a wall", as though you grabbed the image out of the air and just followed it, rather than following the instinct which created stanza one. the ending is trite, of course, because you're calling on the prosaic outside the poem to make a point, when you could have bent the glass tube and expanded it into a thing in itself and let us see the "moral and point" just by gazing at it. this is way too complicated a poem to match the simple and wholesome thought you're maybe intending.
— joey
Yeah, abstract. Your score is fish...
— shaunsout
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