poetry critical

online poetry workshop



katzenundhundefellen
netskyIam

cats ask for food and get it or else
 1
cats need not apologize for anything
 2
cats are women without
 3
 
 
make up
 4
 
 
dogs are little men, big men, silly men
 5
champions, protectors, opportunistic
 6
thieves of hearts and unattended chicken
 7
livers, observers, noble wretches, sloppy
 8
 
 
tongued empaths
 9

6 Aug 08

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (4): 1, 9, 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(181 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

men are like dogs, stupid and loyal.

women are like cats, independent, sleek and quite happy shacking up with whoever feeds them the best cuts.

myself, i prefer the unpredictability of cats.
 — raskolniikov

sorry, i forgot to add. i like how you broke the poem up into 2 halves.
 — raskolniikov

HEHE
NICELY LISTED OBSERVATION BUT I WONDER IF THERE IS ENOUGH ENERGY LEFT HERE FOR TO ADD SOMETHING MORE THAN JUST OBSERVATION? A MORAL, A POINT, HOW CATS AND DOGS WILL FOREVER BICKER YET EVER NEED EACHOTHER IN ONE FASHION OR OTHER. AS IT IS, IT JUST SEEMS AS THOUGH YOU MADE YOUR STATEMENT, THEN LEFT THE ROOM BEFORE ANYONE HAD A CHANCE TO RETORT; SOMEWHAT DISAPPOINTING WAY TO COMMUNICATE.
ANYHOODIDDLY...
I'D SUGGEST TO ALTER THE DOG AREA SLIGHTLY FOR A PERHAPS GREATER EFFECT WITH A TOUCH MORE SWEEP...

thieving hearts

ALTHOUGH opportunistic MIGHTN'T WORK SO WELL IN SUCH A CASE, BUT THEN, MEBBE YOU AIN'T DONE HERE YET ANYHOW.
 — chuckle_s

I leave the new poem for the readers to finish as they see best.
Make up, tongued empaths, make up....
 — netskyIam

Ooh a kitty! Can I hold it, aw it nuzzled me!

Ooh a doggie, will he bite?
 — unknown

I rock!
 — carebear

like it a lot
 — noodleman

this is a good
example of the
imbalanced mind
creating
a metaphor
that really doesn't
work.
the implication is of
the 'cat is
they have
no regard nor
emotion, therefore
no 'soul'
and bereft of a 'human'
likeness, and then ascribe
this to women.
yet the dog is
champion, a sympathetic
emotive, loveable
noble creature.
this is a bad
model based on
lack of any
real understanding of
women as human, or cat
as emotional
animal.
the man is a poor wretch,
implied here,
a victim of his own
honestly open
heart and nature,
and women are cruel
takers, not
givers, and souless.
very poor poetry, and
very badly
thought out
metaphor.
 — unknown

this is good because of the cat stuff.
 — DeformedLion

0.346s