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Dry Poirot
netskyIam

The flailing man—he comes up
 1
for air once, then twice, then
 2
again—you say, he may be seen
 3
 
 
for the third timemy friends
 4
that is but a fabble
 5
requiring no detective to unravel
 6

8 Aug 08

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Comments:

Revision to replace a former version, the accented logic
of Agatha Christie's perfection,  Hercule.
 — netskyIam

and 'babble', which works well -- it's up to us to learn your vocabulary, not for you to dumb down to us, so i think we can figure this one, one way or another, unravel the rubble and find the bomb crater.

the for the third time -- my friends is close to reading 'for the third time, my friends walked into fabulous fabbadelphia, and maybe the double line needs more space or maybe the line needs breaking in order to articulate your friends into the court of opinion?
 — joey

Thank you, joey, that was a good crit.  "Babble" would work fine, but I like the distortion of "fable", because the old saw of three resurfacings before a final downing was once a naive belief of many back in the time-place of the truthful-fictional Poirot.
Thanks again.
 — netskyIam

yes, i was pleased to see "fabble", and i didn't know this was yours when i critted it. if i had, i would have understood that you were intentionally being cool with language. the nice thing about this one, is that it is so simple and direct, and i wasn't sure if it wasn't the inspired work of some new-ber, but who maybe wasn't in such control, and maybe didn't spell. it's obvious, from what wasn't written, that the writer is in control. ( sorry, reading modern brit detective lit at the moment, and it's spilling over into crit prose. really, this is a nice little piece.)

something i really admire is that you make the phrase break over 3 and 4 actually work, and very few people here can do that -- can control the sound and rhythm of the break and keep it from turning prosey.

mike
 — joey

fable.
 — unknown

'fabble' + the title makes this piece. Very nicely done, netskers.
 — unknown

"Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend." -- Hercule Poirot played impeccably by David Suchet -- here you've made a limerick of sorts
 — AlchemiA

thank you all for a great set of critiques.

We all love Hecule.  He lived up to his name.
 — netskyIam

Hercule, pardon, typo.
 — netskyIam

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