| Unreal
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section4
| Sterilize broken needles | 1 |
as tips ooze molten | 2 |
reason molded with gold; | 3 |
a god amongst men | 4 |
and a man amongst the | 5 |
kneeling. | 6 |
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Watch me enjoy you | 7 |
telling me what I already know; | 8 |
crystal sins, the kaleidoscope | 9 |
of clarity breaks at dusk | 10 |
and is re-birthed unwillingly | 11 |
by day-break. | 12 |
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Fly through boundaries self | 13 |
imposed or strategically | 14 |
entwined in man's psyche | 15 |
to keep him grounded far | 16 |
from the open sky. | 17 |
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Breathe now | 18 |
for deflated lungs | 19 |
and racing hearts | 20 |
won't earn you life | 21 |
but a glimpse of | 22 |
something more | 23 |
or less unreal. | 24 |
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11 Aug 08 |
Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 8 users.
Active (8): 2, 6, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (0): 6, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(12 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
hm. i liked it.
a few fillers perhaps, or i am opposed to the overuse of 'kaleidescope'.
'a man amongst the kneeling' loved that.
=-)
— jenakajoffer
what got into your head when you wrote line 5? were you reading a novel while you were writing this? did you think we were too stupid to understand? line five-six either set the tone for this or is simply the decor of this camouflaged pickup in the woods hunter deer pink. day glow in a rembrandt -- rembrandt in a macdonalds; worded for calories.
— joey
Thanks Jen. Ha, I guess kaleidescope is a bit overused. I'll find something better.
Joey, not reading one at the moment. Lines 5-6 are pivotal in this piece. They bear the reflection of what is and what has come to be? Perceptions vary according to how high you're flying and how low you're kneeling.
— unknown
yes, this man amongst the kneeling image only really works as a graphic image on a certain vulnerable to suggestion sensibility. that's not really what it's about though, cause you can say 'low calorie potato chip', in the same way, and have the same effect on me when i'm half out the window at a thousand miles per hour. poetry isn't really about saying smart.
— joey
Would you prefer;
Godly man amongst
the kneeling,
or would you you have me scarp it all together? I think its conveys a certain truth about the idea. If it doesn't then it might as well be gone.
— unknown
How about simply;
A god amongst the kneeling
— unknown
the idea is just the skin of the poem, the skeleton of the poem is the style, the way it's worded. and, how you word it is a response to how this image and mood affected you into writing a feeling in words -- a poem. analyze the kneeling thing, and see if it doesn't resolve into some kind of tactile thing, of bending, yes, but of bending into some difficulty -- flip it over and see if it's not 'submission' but 'control' -- making the 'master', the 'principle of it' into a puppet. there's too much going on in this is all -- you're flipping the words to dazzle, but the words themselves are glued to the table and don't really get into the light enough to make us feel that we're in more than one dimension.
— joey
Crystal meth? At least I THINK so, but am not sure. Either way, very potent. I like L's 13-17, more so L's 16 & 17.
— starr
not really about crystal meth but about something that can give you the highs of drugs as well as its lows and apparently it' good for you. Thanks starr.
— unknown
Unreal---Tournament? I don't see the connection. 6/10
— Poe
unreal tournament???? haha. No, it has nothing to do with 'that one'
— unknown
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