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I Crave to Die
OKcomputer

i see myself in the distant mirror:
 1
red-faced and brow upturned
 2
weeping, jerking gasps, thin with starvation.
 3
i crave only to die, and not to live.
 4
inside of my mind is dark and echoing.
 5
there is nobody in here but me
 6
 
 
i have tried praying for company,
 7
i have tried falling into insanity to believe in mystical things,
 8
prospective relief.
 9
i have hated myself since i first could know
 10
that i was a person.
 11
sometimes i love myself but only success permitting.
 12
 
 
i do not crave to eat, i do not crave to love
 13
or to touch any other. i wish to throw myself away,
 14
to return to heaven to be with my master.
 15

12 Aug 08

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Comments:

Well, I don't want to push you over the edge, and there are some nice things here, but that 'upturned brow' image is distracting. I can picture an upturned chin or nose, even upturned eyes, but upturned brow -- no.

I like your use of gerunds.

And the phrase 'success permitting.'

Please see a doctor. And keep writing.
 — redhen

believing in mystical is equated to insanity?

i'm having a hard time balancing this with the concept of 'heaven' and your 'master'

i'm not over-enamoured with some of the formats you used, but i somewhat sympathise with the sentiments.
 — Mongrol

i love myself but i also crave to die.

i like your honesty. i liked this poem. i would have written it differently especially the last line but i did enjoy what you were trying to say. i only wish you didnt hate yourself, there are enough people out there that can do that, try loving yourself instead, death takes on a different angle.
 — raskolniikov

very sad, painful, maybe out of lack of trust and profound sadness
 — nisetru

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