|a baby is just a cat skimming the lake
once a baby, once a sun
rising out from ocean
dance, throw them over lake
and watch them drown.
washes off some sunny sin.
cloud of shadow
brays like an elderly
sock in the shape of
a donkey heading
to the slaughterhouse
where the father
who aren't in
waits with sharpened wits
and steely eyes.
the baby sleeps,
12 Aug 08
Rated 10 (8.3) by 1 users.
Inactive (4): 1, 6, 9, 10, 10
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yay. a 10. a favourite, oh hello OK.
love the surrealism of it DL - it feels like a review of some search for redemption - a wide range of images i really enjoyed :)
technically - an 'an' before elderly on line 12?
otherwise a nice melon-twister
yes to "an". it is much needed.
this is excellent. needs more recognition.
I get lost in the middle of the poem.
I like the metaphor of water and the baby.
But them everything just gets jumbled.
i couldn't even find the middle. so i can't really help you there.
but thanks for the reading and the commenting and the wee's/hump goes the whale. no, damn it!!! GET in your box.