poetry critical

online poetry workshop



a baby is just a cat skimming the lake
DeformedLion

"waa-waa"
-OKcomputer



once a baby, once a sun
 1
rising out from ocean
 2
sands, skimming
 3
cats
 4
 
 
dance, throw them over lake
 5
like pebbles
 6
and watch them drown.
 7
 
 
baby sprinkled,
 8
washes off some sunny sin.
 9
above,
 10
cloud of shadow
 11
brays like an elderly
 12
sock in the shape of
 13
a donkey heading
 14
to the slaughterhouse
 15
where the father
 16
who aren't in
 17
heaven
 18
 
 
waits with sharpened wits
 19
and steely eyes.
 20
 
 
the baby sleeps,
 21
waa-waa's follow
 22
into person.
 23

12 Aug 08

Rated 10 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (4): 1, 6, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(364 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

yay. a 10. a favourite, oh hello OK.

comments anyone?
 — DeformedLion

love the surrealism of it DL - it feels like a review of some search for redemption - a wide range of images i really enjoyed :)

technically - an 'an' before elderly on line 12?

otherwise a nice melon-twister


~ Mong
 — Mongrol

thanks,

yes to "an". it is much needed.
 — DeformedLion

this is excellent. needs more recognition.
 — midare

I get lost in the middle of the poem.

I like the metaphor of water and the baby.

But them everything just gets jumbled.
 — oakspringer

i couldn't even find the middle. so i can't really help you there.

but thanks for the reading and the commenting and the wee's/hump goes the whale. no, damn it!!! GET in your box.
 — DeformedLion

0.324s