|I in Silence
In the airs that end with silence
in the creases of incoherent distance
I think of you squirming
on checkerboard linoleum floors of time
like a nude-pink worm on a hook
or in a bistro writing on a napkin
your words and your thoughts
stretched taut scrutinizing
assessing perfumes and smoke rings.
(And in front of a wall-length mirror
I see you;
a photograph of sorrow
your soft beingness
pitiable in a room
of resounding volume
hoping that you don't ask me for words
rather rely on my tongue-tied gestures.)
You are a sad endless aria.
14 Aug 08
Rated 5.5 (7) by 4 users.
Active (4): 1, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 1, 7, 10, 10
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come back my lil baba
i have pani and areolas for you
venkatarama saraswai bindra
'squirming in a nude-pink worming' would have been cool. this is nice retro 1930's writing, and fun to read. i don't think the English really like poetry, and that's the charm of this English Poetry from 1934 piece. the next one is about coal miners?
how do you do it, trochee? it's nicely written, and i can't think that you actually were doing retro -- and this doesn't seem cloned -- the voice seems to me to be consistent -- are you writing for 'mood' when you write something like this, or is it a wording-image that you fall into? i don't know if i'm clear when i say 'word-image', but it's like the lighting in a stage play and how that sets the tone.
by the way, the title really bothers me. even 'the airs that end with silence', as a title might be appropriate?
the title both attracts and repels as almost trite -- the body of the pome makes up for it and delivers to us a dichotomy of pain -- there was a forum here on self-loathing and this piece encapsulates that with grace --
oh nice one troch,
i pity the foo, who tries to break your beingness.
line 3 was oooooooh so long, phew man, had to give it a few tires...i mean, tries. =-)
yes diffinitely a good write. fav 10
This is a great angst poem trochee. I also think the title could be stronger--perhaps, as joey suggests, the first line of the poem would work. The poem itself is strong. Nice work.
thanks joey. the retro voice formed along the way i guess, wasnt intentional.
changed the title a bit.
helo jen.. foo? tires? ;) me cannot understand, what you saying to try.
thanks for the fav bohemian.
thank you paul s
U in Fuck
U in You