| jennifer beals inspired lobster blowjob
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unknown
| when i go down | 1 |
on you | 2 |
it's like the perfect | 3 |
lobster dinner | 4 |
and my glands secrete | 5 |
butter | 6 |
and my lips | 7 |
get moist and plump | 8 |
| |
and i remember when | 9 |
flashdance | 10 |
pushed her toes | 11 |
in nick's | 12 |
crotch | 13 |
under the table | 14 |
at that fancy | 15 |
bistro | 16 |
and he asks her | 17 |
how's the lobster | 18 |
and she says | 19 |
s u c c u l e n t | 20 |
and licks her | 21 |
bee-stung lips | 22 |
it's no wonder | 23 |
he has a hardhat | 24 |
| |
i've been | 25 |
pumping bubblegum | 26 |
collagen | 27 |
all day long | 28 |
for better bj's | 29 |
and i look over | 30 |
at you | 31 |
driving with one hand | 32 |
shoved | 33 |
in my breasts | 34 |
as the car swerves | 35 |
off the road | 36 |
and you quietly | 37 |
adjust yourself | 38 |
thinking of things | 39 |
similar | 40 |
to my eating | 41 |
lobster | 42 |
and i think | 43 |
| |
"i'll give you | 44 |
a bee-stung look | 45 |
once i'm through | 46 |
with you" | 47 |
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18 Aug 08 |
Rated 9.4 (8.7) by 13 users.
Active (13): 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 1, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(5 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
*gulp*
— unknown
I think you did a really good job on this. I didn't think i would like it but it flows really well. I cant seem to figure out why you put the spacing in as you did, i think you could put some of the lines together, but then again, im not the author :). Leave L20 alone, Its fantastic.
— Cody
change breasts to tits for crudity value. you seem to be kinda ripe.
— unknown
spacing works very well -- i don't know what a jennifer beals is, say, but this is well written. a lot of marginal writers actually write well and pointed when they've finally got something evil to say -- all their 'love' and 'appreciate the roses' and 'me got a hickey' poems are pretty flatline, but when their actually inner eight year old is summoned, the eight year old says things in a very straight and self-surviving way. no matter what the origin of this, this reads very straight-on like something like strong writing, good verse.
— joey
If Bukowski was a woman...
I loved this. The line breaks work really well, the short lines work perfectly with each other. The first stanza is really strong and draws me in. Overall well edited.
You change tense in the second stanza midway through from past to present. That would be my only editorial nit-pick. Otherwise, this is perfect!
— eyerite
thanks
=-)
— jenakajoffer
this was fun to read. and written so darn well.
i'd go with the known for "tits" to maintain the crudity level.
lol hardhat? did you come up with that word?
the ending is pretty good too. the title works if you remove "(otherwise untitled)"
ill, read this again later.
— trochee
Sex and beestings! Yeah
— themolly
very very nice.
: )
— fractalcore
well, bees kind of frighten me. in all the usual ways.
hardhat was a good one-- many times i have worn one, and then, well...
where has the time gone. tick tock. this poem makes me take cover in my perpetual state of loneliness. yes, i am under covers. still trying to write a poem,
nice curves.
— DeformedLion
quantity not quality, right?
— DeformedLion
yep good verse and tight construction.
and a fun read ;)
— Mongrol
Holy Fuck ball's
— unknown
HONK
— chuckle_s
i know, troch i was going to take 'knowns' suggestion, in fact i did change it last night for sound, but me as a girl, i don't say tits...but i might eventually if this poem groans on me, and needs it.
thanks molly, unknown, hi mong...=-)
hey linus i haven't seen you around much,
take care in your covers and quantity does have its place. =-)
thanks a bunch.
thanks a bunch.
— jenakajoffer
hi chuckles =-)
— jenakajoffer
there is a performance art technique called word jazz that this reminds me of, er, word jizz -- nevertheless a pome that leaves me with that bee stung look jenny -- you've a way of getting the reader intimately engrossed
— AlchemiA
i just ate lobster a couple of days ago so this poem is hitting me in a particularly visceral way.
i'm not saying that i feel moist. just that my mouth now tastes like butter and lemon.
— mousestmod
oh and it's good.
— mousestmod
You and I must be around the same age - well I remember that scene from Flashdance :) - this is a wonderful read. I get an image of your power, and your knowing. Excellent.
— CervusWright
I've returned to this poem 4 times. It's good.
— unknown
They say that men have sexual thoughts about almost everything and now I have to add bees and lobsters!
— cowork
and breasts
— chuckle_s
I guess it is a matter of taste! I feel this is over-drenched with margarine, not butter,
but if it's butter, my word, what a lot of it! The line breaks are not working for me, but that's, apparently, just me. I like sexy pomes, sure, and thrills. However, bee-stung too many times in the past, my history of been there done that says: this poem is too moist for comfort.
I'll take a shower now and get all wet and soap my mouth.
— netskyIam
i agree net
— unknown
What?
Why so choppy?
— technomancer
above, don't agree with critics. analyze and look at it cold and hard, no matter the topic, funny, sexy or sad. it is a poem to be improved. all poems, nearly, are to be improved. only time and practice and vision can approach perfection, yet never catch it, but in one way.
— netskyIam
This has the WOW factor as they say on The X factor
Larry Simon Cowell Lark
— larrylark
I thought it was boring.
— unknown
nice.
-Jacob
— uncjaf
The topic is rather crude, dude. 7/10
— Poe
haha, you know you wright with this nonstrenuous flow that always keeps me hooked till the end. great piece Jen.
— unknown
"write" ;)
— unknown
wow.
amazing.
— likeavirus
I like the tone you have your poems have, Jen. It's almost dangerously playful-vindictive - not crude.
— Kiite
I'm all for kinky, jen, but I could've gotten the same effect I got from this by reviewing the wanted ads in the adult section of craigslist.org. It had its purpose, so I don't mean to be cruel. Just not my preference.
I like the marginal writing. Our current Poet Laureate does it, and I don't even like her that much.
— aurelius
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