| Goodnight, sleep well
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sherains
| We had many things in common, | 1 |
least of which | 2 |
was our capacity for pain | 3 |
and our frequent lack | 4 |
of sleep. | 5 |
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I stayed up with you | 6 |
long before I knew you. | 7 |
While you were climbing rooftops | 8 |
I was driving through summer nights | 9 |
and perhaps | 10 |
our desperate moments crossed paths; | 11 |
shook hands, | 12 |
winking at what we would know. | 13 |
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The world got colder | 14 |
and though two people | 15 |
can stay warm better than one | 16 |
I found myself freezing | 17 |
more often than I should have. | 18 |
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I sleep better | 19 |
these new summer nights. | 20 |
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But when the air | 21 |
is hot and still, | 22 |
I free myself | 23 |
from my tangled sheets | 24 |
and peer out the window, | 25 |
wondering whose rooftop | 26 |
you're climbing | 27 |
tonight. | 28 |
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18 Aug 08 |
Rated 8.7 (9.3) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (3): 10, 10
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(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
Possibly your best work yet, sherains.
— unknown
I'd make were was in line 3, to match the singular 'which' in line 2. I'd change your to you're in line 27. Do you need 'new' in line 20?
Other than those few things, I can melt right into this.
— Isabelle5
Yep, I liked this until I saw "your" and not "you're".
— unknown
Silly spelling errors!
I added 'new' because a year has gone by, and it's a new summer, new ways of thinking, new beginings, etc.
— sherains
Just wonderful. A beautiful portrayal of what was, but now is not, and the difficulty of moving on. Brava!
— unknown
Okay, then new should stay, you have good reasons for it.
— Isabelle5
Good stuff.
— unknown
Appreciate the comments everyone!
— sherains
love it.
— brokenarrows
Wow
— themolly
I hope that's a good 'wow' molly!
— sherains
this is perfection
— unknown
love love love
— unknown
This is sweet.
— SarahMichele
thanks sarah
— sherains
Very well done sherains, very well done.
— PaulS
thanks PaulS, I have to say I was pretty satisfied with this one
— sherains
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