| Introduction to a Book of Poems
|
joshcoops
| Not by a monkey chained to a typewriter, | 1 |
but these poems have been written before, | 2 |
these moments experienced by many, | 3 |
old thoughts strung together, | 4 |
thread through the center | 5 |
by some loose string of existence. | 6 |
So anchor one end tight to your spine | 7 |
while I pull it taut | 8 |
with these small stretches of words. | 9 |
Watch and feel | 10 |
as the moments around you | 11 |
lift up together as if beads on a necklace, | 12 |
their gentle weight pressing against your chest | 13 |
like an open book you hold against yourself | 14 |
as you pause to reflect over what you’ve just read. | 15 |
|
21 Aug 08 |
Rated 8.8 (8.9) by 10 users.
Active (10): 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 6, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(6 more poems by this author)
(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
Ah, this is nice...
— CervusWright
poignant
— unknown
I love a poem that makes me feel something beyond what it says; this is one of those.
— cowork
very cleanly written
— apples
lovely write--enjoyable read.
— sybarite
wonderful intro which tugged at my heart strings -- well made metaphor and well played out --
— AlchemiA
appreciate it guys
— unknown
A bit verbose, I think, for saying very little... I think this is just a wordy way to put a poet's love of the written word out there... I don't mean to belittle, your words are not poorly chosen, and you anchor your message to the reader there in the middle which is solid, but... I'm not convinced on all the metaphors and I'm not convinced of the feeling in the words at the end of it.
— technomancer
I think the images work rather perfectly. Especially the end.
I like this a lot, and it is perfect for what the title implies this is. There are a few words here and there that could be changed, some punctuation that could be revised, but it's mostly stylistic stuff.
Though, line 15, I might suggest "reflect on", though it does work as you have it. I just like the way it sounds better with the "on"
Also, line 12-13, I love the necklace image, but you go from beads on a necklace lifted up, to their weight on the readers chest without putting them down again. It does sort of work as you have it, but it's something to consider.
Anyway, great poem. I'm favoriting this.
— eyerite
Excellent, it really made me think.
— unknown
thanks for the comments techno and eyerite. It is a simple poem, and it was supposed to be. Some minor adjustments have been made, and i'm hoping to find a better way to strengthen the metaphor.
It is suppose to be a 'wordy' (i'm not exactly sure what that means) way of describing a poets hope for their poems (at least some poets). But the fact that you, techno, didn't feel a strong attachment to it, does make me want to revisit it all. Your critigues are always encouraged. Both good and bad.
— unknown
It is poesy, all right, but the self-conscious kind, and perhaps could be saved, made better by cutting every word not needed.
suggestions, just a few of many I'd make if this were a full critique:
"ape" instead of "monkey". "tethered" instead of "chained" Nobody uses typewriters anymore. Reduce the "I" quotient where possible. Inapt are most similes, similes are best avoided in poetry, don't you think? Ex: L12 through L14.
So anchor one end tight to your spine
(oh no you don't!)
while I pull it taut
(this challenges the reader to react: 'oh no you won't)
with these small stretches of words.
(belittles and disqualifies further interest)
suggestion, sort of:
Anchor an end to your spine
and pull it taut
with small stretches of words
and if you pause to reflect
perhaps it will be over
what you have not just read.
— netskyIam
The idea of a monkey chained to a typewriter comes from the infinite monkey theorem, which suggest that if you chain infinite monkeys to infinite typewriters eventually one will write a shakespear play. I hear your critique but i think you are missing the point.
Are similes best avoided in poetry? It is a kind of 101 technique, but they can be potent and strong material. (these arent there yet)
I love your paranthetical commentary on a section of my poem. Very observant and a good critique. Thanks a lot for that. Although your suggested ending doesn't do it for me, i will think of another.
— unknown
similes are best avoided in poetry??
— unknown
Yah, who wrote similes are best avoided in poetry??!?!
— apples
defiantly a favorite. it is something enjoyable to read and you could never grow tired of. if this is the intro, i can not wait to read the poems it holds!
— onyx12098
Can't wait to read the poems that will follow this introduction. Potent and tender with respect to the craft of writing. Like it! :-)
— starr
do you have any of the poems to follow?
— unknown
thanks
— joshcoops
nice poem
— chuckle_s
there has to be some revisions to be made here, what are they?
— joshcoops
|
|
|