| abhor
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LaLa16
| that one was for mother | 1 |
and this ones for father | 2 |
you fuck face | 3 |
annoying bitch | 4 |
pathetic money making idiot | 5 |
i hate your fucking ass | 6 |
*sighs* | 7 |
you think your "little girl" will fall for your every move | 8 |
crawling to the floor with your not so secretive apology's | 9 |
daddy, im no little girl | 10 |
im sorry that your mother fucked your father and had to have you | 11 |
im sorry that mother and you had me! | 12 |
maybe if you wouldn't have kept me in so much i wouldn't be gone | 13 |
but you fucked up | 14 |
you fucked up well daddy | 15 |
your "little girl" hates your fucking ass | 16 |
its too bad shes nothing like you | 17 |
and its too bad that she doesn't like you at all | 18 |
i remember the day i wrote that one for mother | 19 |
she cried like a bitch | 20 |
well haha this ones for you father | 21 |
your welcome | 22 |
you should be nothing but proud of your "little girl" | 23 |
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26 Aug 08 |
Rated 5 (5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6
Inactive (0): 4
(define the words in this poem)
(6 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
First of all...take a few deep breaths. Why all the F-Bombs? Anger is one thing, but when you're writing poetry, you want to bring that anger into a more artistic flow with rhythm and decorative phrasing, not just saying "Fuck you and fuck this, and fuck that." You follow me? Also, you've left apostrophes out of all your contractions, and you're mixing up the personal pronoun "your" for the contraction "you're (you are.") In Line 9, the plural of apology is apologies. This, for me, does not read like a poem, so much as it reads like one gigantic furious rant. A better place for it might me in an IOP (Intentive Outpatient Program) or in a journal. The idea is good, but the poetry needs work. Think of all the more colorful ways that you can write this w/o all the profanity. That's my suggestion.
:-)
— starr
wow, this is about to implode from intensity! Abundant use of 'fuck' does not make the poem more angry but rather, seems to detract from the fact that you are a poet who can work words to your will. You're calling your father a fuck face annoying bitch? That is not poetic even slightly!
This is too personal for anyone but another raging person to relate to. What you've done is create a poem that makes me think your father might be the one who deserves pity, not you. You sound (you being the person in the poem, not the writer) hateful and not very loveable.
Sorry, but that's what I'm getting from the poem. There is a place for anger in poetry but the anger cannot ever take over the entire poem as it has done here.
— Isabelle5
fuck the both of you =]
— LaLa16
This is grossly written. 4/10
— Poe
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