You know you've lived too long
when you're still alive
after the trees you planted
have died of old age.
The air is turning
and the leaves
the hurricane left
like distant memories.
at Main and Commerce,
where Cee Tee, all
crossed eyes and paranoia,
combed his greasy hair.
The auditorium. Sy,
bent half in two
over a wheelbarrow
selling chewing gum and peanuts.
cowboy hat and boots with
skin as black and lined
as a story.
Violins at night.
Nellie lost to flames,
Dabney's beautiful eyes,
Leigh Ann's hands and
the bay gelding at the
county barn that
Mud swirls in patterns
in the river, arrowheads
and pottery shift on
disappear, appear again.
I thought I heard you
calling from the porch
but it was just
the subtle thunder
of a passing storm.
24 Sep 08
Rated 10 (8) by 2 users.
Inactive (4): 2, 3, 9, 10, 10, 10
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I really love this. Although "silent screaming" seems kind of cliche.
Im not one to judge tho. This is really amazing
Thanks, MGW. I kinda hesitated on silent screaming, and because I was lazy went with it anyway. I'lll change it, no doubt, when I think of something better.
Snort some charlie thank you
I thought this might be Rixes. Which is a good poet to be compared to. Everything about this is just right, in my opinion, except for locusts and silent. My memories of locusts to not ever put silent and locust together!
Thank you, Isabella. Yeah, I'm gonna have to do something about those noisy locusts. :)
this is a very beautiful poem. i love the way you've put the images together so delicately, the elements, scents, and the scenery come alive--pottery, chewing gum and peanuts--so much to take it, yet not overwhelming. i really loved it.
i wish i could tell stories through poetry like this.
you did a wonderful job.
i meant to say 'take in'.
anyway, a new favourite.
Nice changes. Very beautiful poem. One slight thing, you have an extra space in line 34.
Oops. Thank you, Isabella5. You've got a good eye. And thank you, jenakajoffer.
i'm in love with lines 29 to 33 ..
great piece... as Jena comments so well..
Thank you, Mongrol. I live on the Mississippi River, swam in it as a child. The swirling mud really does make patterns, much like oil patterns on the surface of water.
that last strophe is electric and re-rumbles in my heart raising the hairs up my spine -- a good sign that the music in this reaches inside us and we 'sense' the pome in its metaphors and similes not as words on the screen but as images in our mind loaded with our shared memories -- here you've gathered these images like pearls on a string reflecting the light of the Moon inside of our minds again -- well writ elodiously with wit
A beautiful slice-of-life melancholic poem--excellent writing.
this is incredible. i love the first and last stanzas the best. but your poem is so beautiful. it pulls out memories and shows images of new ones. i love it
thank you, silent spring.
This may be the greatest poem I have read on this site. It makes no suggestion as to the tragedy of life, while not getting caught up in it's joys either. A perfect poem.
just read through this again and just realised how deeper this runs than when i first read it..
if you have worked on this, well you've done a great job..
lines 1 to 4 - fantastic!
and the rest, sweetly melancholic memories unfurling in front of my eyes... a great read
Thank, Mongrol. You, too, Burrito. It's basically a list of things that are gone now, and that once meant something...friends, the town crazy, security, a joyful summer. I'm glad you liked it.
"Nellie lost to frames" is an incredible line.
Haha. I meant "flames"
Burrito, there's a story that goes with that line. If you're interested you can read it here: http://www.underthehillsaloon.com/custom/webpage. cfm?content=News&id=65
this is excellent! beautifully written.