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Dreaming With Kafka
larrylark

They came to the door of the car,
 1
one harshly spoken, the other
 2
a token social worker.
 3
A voice came out of no where.
 4
 
 
"Your wife has grown tired of you,
 5
come with us at once."
 6
In one moment we were gone.
 7
 
 
Later, night fell into a filthy attic room
 8
as I reviewed this dramatic circumstance
 9
while rearranging the face of a toby jug
 10
collecting water from the
 11
leaky window frame through which
 12
could be seen distant lights of a city
 13
I could not name.
 14

8 Oct 08

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kafka knos dreams but he invented that dream feeling for us. it's about writing and this invents a feeling of message machine message from 'are you paying too much for your consciousness??' and don't work too well. copy this back into the paragraph it came out of and find a story.
 — geckodrome

I think the word you are looking for is nightmare and i found your comment where it belongs, in the box marked facile and trying to be smart arsed.
 — larrylark

is this your carp, larry? swimming up cable tv.? then you admit that writing is only a secondary move in your postings? that it's all about topping and being smartassed and saaying stupid things because no one really gives a shit about poetry, larry-i cuddn't think of a good rejoinder - lark?
 — geckodrome

yes, i see now that it is your work and that it's not at all up to your usual standards. sometimes you write pretty well. this is really no more than an anecdote and notes towards a short story. using 'kafka' is just cheap... bait and switch into stevie king.
 — geckodrome

the girls in the wall are dancing

for me
 — Salamander

I am not interested in remarks that sound as if they have been lifted off a fag packet. Go trash yourself, no, it looks like you've already done it.
 — larrylark

geckodrome

If you sounded like a fountain of knowledge i could still see through your phony cheap shots.
 — larrylark

Send a couple my way salamander
 — larrylark

larry, you've been studying the mongel handbook of wit. i really don't care if the poem's bad or not as poetry here - but if the author isn't articulate enough to approach the poem on a critical level then the author simply deserves to be mocked and mocked again. if this 'poem' of yours were food, you'd be feeding it to the cat.

grow up.
 — geckodrome

there's no reason to take you seriously. you don't pick up on the crits, but, worse for the level of this place, you don't recognize the jokes. stick with your own kind, yes, but if you post here you're going to be critiqued seriously because i'll write to the other writers here and not really care at all if you can't follow the discussion. it's not your poem anymore after you post it.
 — geckodrome

methinks 13 is far too view 2 full
nice poem larry
 — chuckle_s

i might also suggest carhartt pants
the material will stand up to all this tugging
 — chuckle_s

Geeko

My my you have worked yourself up into a lather and what a pompous prig you are to boot. Now fuck off if thats plain enough for you and leave my shit alone
 — larrylark

Thaks for the advice chuckles but i'll stick with the leider hosen
 — larrylark

well get the green coloured ones then
camouflages them annoying lizards when they keep trying to hump your leg and no matter how hard you shake they won't come off
hey! that just remided me of your father in the garden sleeping!

"and there were leg shakes all round"

or something like that?!
 — chuckle_s

Hi chuckles

Thanks for cheering me up. I guess i should apologise to geckodrome for getting out of my tree. I try to be a good Larry and it goes along OK for a while but sometimes the red mist descends and paranoid thoughts poison my brain
 — larrylark

Hi geckodrome

I apologise for what i said, it was unforgivable and i actually agreed with most of what you said  about this poem, Sorry for the industrial language, it was a momentary abberation
 — larrylark

dude, that's totally unnecessary of you. i think i was mostly put off by the kafka mention, and i was really surprised mor that you'd defend an impression then defend the actual wording... when i felt the poem was more freud dream style than kafka, and  a list poem of impressions and reactions.

what do you think you might do to this to make the words move inside the piece more? what point of view? the dissolving toby seems pretty strong to me. i'm seeing you push your fingers into wet clay, but maybe you were doing the rearranging from a distance, and this is a very mental poem... an intellectual poem and one which may not be available to my sensibility.
 — geckodrome

I agree with you mor or less, but my problem with Kafka is the shock of entering the wave of air that vibrates around his acure sensibilities. The mor i read and re read his secret poetry that is only available to pass holders at The Palace of Kulture in Prague , the mor i am grareful that I eat special K for brealfast and that the insect world rarely intrudes on my luxery life style
 — larrylark

By the way I am amazed by your sensibilities and the way you strive to maintain them
 — larrylark

i think that the feel for me is the wording of kafka itself and not the strange situations. but, they are strange and i'm always amazed at how authentic he is. i have a friend who grew up in the north of vietnam before the war, and was imprisoned then later escaped. and he's not totally literate in english, but the translation of the trial went right to him. i have only a german kafka here right now, but one thing that i notice is how he plays off the emblematic slogans of the oppressor or the oppressive, if that's the case, against a kind of self-conscious self dialog. and he falls very quickly into the self-conscious -- quicker than here, i think -- and your 'your wife has...'/ 'later that night in...' would maybe become 'your wife... with us at once. later that night, as i reviewed this uncommon circumstance...' pushing 'uncommonl' into an 'anti-social' moment, and making it an overloaded 'full of meaning' pivot? whereas it seems to me i remember freud's 'here is is ... i will tell you. isn't that strange? but, a case of...' formula seems more similar to this work's method.

by the way, the 'mor' was i think a typo, and if it wasn't it was only a gentle snudge in the language of disagreement you were showing. no mor thing than that.
 — geckodrome

I recently joined the poetrycritical website and I just wanted to let you know that I really love your writing. I have your poems bookmarked for whenever I feel rather uninspired (which is unfortunately often these days...) and I'd like to just thank you and encourage you to keep up what you're doing! I certainly appreciate it.
 — nostalgical

+Dear Geko

My typing is also very poor in similar areas to yours but i do so admire you essay on Kafka which has given me much food for indigestion

Larry banana's Lark
 — larrylark

Dear nostaligal

I will continue to endevour to strive ever up and onwards in the poetic firmament
 — larrylark

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