poetry critical

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my friand and I wrote this.

Why did u do this?
why did u let this happen?
i was only a little girl.
i had my whole life to live.
why?why?why? i keep asking myself...
i cant look at myself without feeling ashamed...
I even look at u.
why u hurt me?
i sit in a corner..i ask myself wat I did wrong?
how can u live with urself?
i kno i cant...
the bright of the sun has drifted away...away...away...
now my world is dark and sufocating..like a black abys.

10 Oct 08

Rated 10 (7.3) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (4): 3, 4, 5, 10, 10, 10

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Yes, i was thinking why as well.
 — unknown

This is superb. I suggest that as soon as possible you write another and another and another. I do believe however that this tasty morsel should be lengthend to really satiate my appetitite for good Southern poetry.
 — unknown

The above was by me, Geckodrome.
 — unknown

i think this is really good. 10
 — OKcomputer

i am in awe.
 — villicana

 — c_manson

how do i add this poem to my least favourites
 — c_manson

u jest!
 — Cerulise

Your 'friand' and you need to read a few poetry books.  You is spelled out in poems, this is not text messaging, so please change u to you.

You also need to spell check before posting, you have several things spelled wrong.

This is nothing but emotion.  Poetry should be about showing, not just telling.

You sound quite young.  That's good, it means you have time and energy to learn to write better.  It's a process.  Hope you keep learning to improve.

Now go have this person arrested.  
 — Isabelle5

I might be totally of base but I don't like this because I don't think that this is well written.. Perhaps I slightly slow but.................
 — unknown

it's a farce; a dance. That's what makes this good. You can't take it literally, or even figuratively, because it's more subtle than that. And it's a little ironic that some of our good poets don't get it, which makes it even better.

But subtlety isn't depth, so it's out of my realm, really.
 — Cerulise