poetry critical

online poetry workshop



I wrote mosta this with my head down on the table
OKcomputer

Come on all you falcon johns, come back for the moonbank eclipse
 1
there are white naked ladies in the shade cages,
 2
and they have glowing red orbs pulsing, what fer?
 3
There are owls with stiff wet canes in the trees.
 4
They are goina swoop down for a lick
 5
 
 
Come out in the morning alex, to have you mentioned in the same angle
 6
as some sweet lass. No longer do you need to wander feet first into the night.
 7
No longer need you sog your face with fever, unless it is the dew
 8
from between the small tits of a good girl.
 9
I will have Mr. D____ read this poem out loud to the thrusting night-dogs.
 10
I will have it heard by the drunken chairs.
 11

For the anonymous person who brought my drifting to my attention, i wish you would identify yourself, you make me feel like not only a lonesome panderer for company, but also a schizo

12 Oct 08

Rated 7 (7.1) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (8): 1, 1, 4, 5, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(88 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

how does one identify the anonymous person? what's the hint? maybe there have been more than one? or two? since you're schizo, you don't really know how many are real even.
 — unknown

nice poem by the way.
 — unknown

Where did the title come from?
 — unknown

almost could be authentically a voice from the sewer but the author breaks out too much to watch us react to this and the words turn stale. to freshen this up, take out 'and they have...' from 3, and 'stiff' and 'they are gonna' from 4 and 5. and 'sog your face with fever' in 8, since the soap-opera tone of 6 won't merge with old-gnarly-poet, in the way you're wording it.

i will have it heard by the drunken chairs is sooo arty that it puke-backs on the rest of the poem... gives this some comedy.
 — geckodrome

the above writ blind of course. if i'd seen your handle i wouldn't have crit it cause i know you don't like this kind of crit, and nobody's reading for crit here anymore.
 — geckodrome

No its okay Joey, thank you, I could use that kind of crit today.
 — OKcomputer

the title came about cos i had my head down on the table while i wrote th poem
 — OKcomputer

were you asleep?
 — unknown

almost
 — OKcomputer

it was a pre-sleep surprise write
 — OKcomputer

you are no more
you've gone false
you should change your name

no more
radio head

maybe

something mainstream

goodbye
ok
computer
 — unknown

you! who are you?
give me a clue.
i understand what you're saying but i'd like to know if i can trust you or not
 — OKcomputer

dear old friend
 — alnoelgramm

somehow your winsome wisdom wit turns a phrase to plural possibilities -- problematic to some but the frequency rides this pome to the brain where the red orbs pulse in spite of the baying of dogs -- when your ear was on the table what did you hear when you scribbled there? ;-)
 — AlchemiA

How on Earth did this get suddenly to the #1?  
 — unknown

it's, ur, realism -- remember that Salvador Dali used ta nap before his palette 'n board -- well OK was doin' the same before his keyboard -- you gave a high five I see
 — AlchemiA

i really love the images and the surrealism in this poem!! awesome job!
 — brother_sun

this is orb-seen from conception to
culmination.

i bet my bowed head and hands[-down]
and you'll have them either way.

that's a nice mohawk on Mr. D's head
and he's muttering about his dad being
a bald eagle with a stiffy cane and and
nakked owls for support.

schizodrone is the word for the day.
: )
 — fractalcore

What the fuck? Something screwy and rather intimate is going on here.

Thanks ALCH, & BROTHER SUN!! :0
 — OKcomputer

and fractalcore ;)
 — OKcomputer

sure.

and long live the schizos.
; )
 — fractalcore

ever since I could not tell right from left my brain became an over active-non-partisan high-way where pomes that are surreal remind me of how it is that we make sense of things -- which is to say that we co-create reality
 — AlchemiA

"no, i didn't mean 'thumbs up' appreciation type 'crit',"

neither did I Mikey boy... and my reasons for critting or not critting are my own. you have no place to begin to even dare asking me these questions.

you rarely crit. you spew. truth.
 — Mongrol

the title probably came from this guy being a radiohead fan... i didn't read the poem, i just came for the comments. radiohead, hence the name "OKComputer", their best album. this guy was probably reading how the album "The Bends" was made, where apparently they "recorded most of the album with their heads laying down on a table" (or something like that). this guy probably thinks he's the thom yorke of poetry. he wants us to believe that he's an exhausted sort of casual type genius?? i don't know, i drank a lot of caffeine, now i'm picking on some bad writer i don't even know. -kurt
 — unknown

the above ^ is Mike/Joey pretending to be 'kurt' talking like 'kurt' in the style of Joey.

could the glass be any more transparent...
 — Mongrol

notice how the "Mike/joey" comments on the title of the POEM, while mong runs in, arms flailing wildly, commenting on nothing but the identity of the unknown commentor.
why don't you grow the fuck up, mong? you are making a fool of yourself.
it's a good poem, btw.
 — unknown

yes we do Mikey boy ... it just you don't actually often write pure crit... it's usually dressed up in your mothers clothes in the rocking chair.

you did well today here however.
— Mongrol

neither did I Mikey boy... and my reasons for critting or not critting are my own. you have no place to begin to even dare asking me these questions.

you rarely crit. you spew. truth.
— Mongrol

the above ^ is Mike/Joey pretending to be 'kurt' talking like 'kurt' in the style of Joey.

could the glass be any more transparent...
— Mongrol

mongrol has commented 3 times on this poem, yet has said nothing to the author, nor made no analysis/crit/comment about the poem. mong has used the comments section of this poem for the SOLE PURPOSE of ATTACKING, REPEATEDLY, another member. this is obvious, and directly conflicts with the site guidelines with which we are all by now very familiar.
 — unknown

Well I don't give a damn, this is the most attention I've received since fifth grade when I threw up in the hallway.
 — OKcomputer

hehe OK ;)

well deserved too, though probably not as hilarious !
 — Mongrol

if that's what it takes to get you going again...head down on table is so much better than what you've being doing lately...step in the right direction...sorry for remaining an unknown, and for the fact there are so many unknowns out there...

to tell you the truth, your poetry inspire/d me to write, I come specifically here to check on your writing, and usually leave without a comment….though for whatever reason i'd say in the last 9 months or so your words got stiffer, their core stopped spinning, these words stopped resonating.... it probably has something to do with this site, so many posers and clueless peeps with a grandeur sense of self entitlement, this site lost its authenticity awhile back, but like I said I always come back to read your stuff.
Worry less about these fools are saying and resuscitate your words, you earned it, you deserve it.
 — unknown

Gosh, Unknown. You made my night. For the longest time I was writing poetry under the impression that nobody was even reading it. I didn't even care.

I was going through a really difficult time recently and I think thats when my poetry started heading south. I was on the verge of self destruction and I began using poetry as an out.

Recently I have been recovering, returning to the side of myself that I enjoy being. Your comment definitely helps. Thank you so much.
 — OKcomputer

Kurt cannot see the feminine in your poetry, it seems.

Always reading you, OKcomputer. Always have done.

x
 — musicwords

0.364s