|Writing you an ocean
In metaphors we are alive
so my words bind us with the sea.
I place images of you in pea-green boats,
literary vessels that obey the waves,
keep you safe.
Waking here with you,
your legs, slender,
is a capsizes me
like sails, nuzzled by the sea.
We hear the sirens,
and heed their call,
eyes drawn towards wrecking rocks
no warning lighthouse bellow to save
just that haunting heart-song
and the inevetibility of heartbreak.
I close my eyes against vengeful tides
you send to pull us apart.
My ink is the ocean,
we can set sail in it together.
But my darling I know that all words
on all pages
from all the corners of my heart
cannot change this:
I am not waving, but drowning.
15 Oct 08
Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Inactive (0): 10
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HELP ME- i'm drow(N)ing.......
ok~even with out the (N) i give you a TE
Apologies for the typo, friends. Thank you very much for the rating Liliana, any thoughts on why you liked it, or anything you didn't like?
Appreciate you stopping by and making this a favourite.
it's definitely got a briny sweetness to it ;)
i liked the pee green boats, that's funny!
at 8,9 the legs/slender was tough to sell to my tongue
12 just made me go "oh, that's just too obviously put"
why not go with "we heed the call of sirens", then somehow give us the notion that our hearts are sirens, rather than come right out and say it plain?
we heed the call of sirens,
our hearts singing a duet
beckoning us to the wrecking rocks
nice poem anyhow
Fully appreciate the suggestions, chuckle, thank you for taking the time.
pretty pretty. loved pea-green boats; reminds me of the owl and the pussycat (my favourite love story of all time).
i think there is a typo in L10 'is a capsizing'? poem falls a bit flat in l5-11, compared to the rest of the loveliness.
i thought i'd be opposed to all the "all's" in the last stanza, but i rather like it. i'd imagined "i am not drowning, but waving", just to be different.
still, i love the ocean and the ink you've spilled in it.
Oh Ash, emo much? ;)
Love the sounds in this, especially L4. L9 doesn't make much sense, L16 "inevitability".
I very much liked this...it speaks to me, the opening two lines are killer.
Do you remember one night when you were here, we went to Fast Eddies and played a random poetry/word writing game with potatoes and dancing? I have the note you wrote in my wallet, still. I take it out and read it when I need a picker upper.
I miss you! <3
Holy moley, I loved this write.. def. a fav and iloved the title too