poetry critical

online poetry workshop

mirror image

please comment. anything is helpful.

its like            s       h       a        r        d        s  
                                  of glass
                                         littering the floor
and that broken mirror …     we punched it
can you see the reflection of u & i l (i & u)
its all in pieces
       pretty little pieces                    
that once untruthful mirror
           oh how flattering
nothings left now but the empty wall
                youd say it was another chance
                     TO SPLATTER PAINT    
                          a rainbow
but im enraptured
                     by the tiny broken faces
                                   oh, our many faces,
                                         captured by the reflection
           [of u & i (i & u)]            in particles on the floor.
[who knew that mirror was worth more shattered]
           at least now it shows us[truthfully]
only little parts of us (faded dreams of us)
in this i have perfect hair….
theres that scar on your neck
    half a smile never looked
so [damn] good
                  i like this look of you… but theres another
  can u see it?
what happened to our sense of
love poems? romantic hopes?
   where? oh where?
            did our beach go?
(away. to places colder than our eyes. maybe it needed a holiday)
or maybe we can still see it
        in all those sharp edges
abandoned on the floor
                  sharp edges. its {a} calling.
                  you can see it [in my eyes] lingering
i lean down and
a piece
of that shattered glass.
razor blade edges. its all a joke. because razor blade edges
                                                      dont scare me anymore
im more afraid of looking
             [ in the mirror]

27 Oct 08

Rated 4 (5) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (1): 1, 7, 7

(define the words in this poem)
(180 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Sorry this is been done to death- no originality ..shards nope think of something
more descriptive that shows you have actually seen the reflective geometry of
what was once whole.
your last line was worthy.
 — unknown

anybody else?
 — silentspring

hmm.. I know of the satisfaction of smashing glass or a mirror. I don't actually feel anything from your description besides the fact that you actually broke it all over the place, I know when I break something its a quick release, an unthinking moment when you have control over your surroundings. How many times can you look in a mirror before it looks back? LoL
 — Thenameless

hmm thanks thenameless. that actually helped a lot and im definitly going to be making some changes on this. thanks a bunch.
 — silentspring

loved the visual effect of your words...

I really really liked this a lot!!!!
 — psychofemale

im not sure what to think!
 — unknown

Recent Best (expand)