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silentspring

please comment. anything is helpful.

its like            s       h       a        r        d        s  
 1
                                  of glass
 2
                                         littering the floor
 3
 
 
and that broken mirror …     we punched it
 4
 
 
can you see the reflection of u & i l (i & u)
 5
 
 
its all in pieces
 6
       pretty little pieces                    
 7
that once untruthful mirror
 8
           oh how flattering
 9
 
 
nothings left now but the empty wall
 10
                youd say it was another chance
 11
                     TO SPLATTER PAINT    
 12
 
 
                          a rainbow
 13
 
 
but im enraptured
 14
                     by the tiny broken faces
 15
                                   oh, our many faces,
 16
                                         captured by the reflection
 17
           [of u & i (i & u)]            in particles on the floor.
 18
 
 
[who knew that mirror was worth more shattered]
 19
              
 20
           at least now it shows us[truthfully]
 21
 
 
only little parts of us (faded dreams of us)
 22
in this i have perfect hair….
 23
theres that scar on your neck
 24
    half a smile never looked
 25
so [damn] good
 26
  
 27
                  i like this look of you… but theres another
 28
  can u see it?
 29
 
 
what happened to our sense of
 30
love poems? romantic hopes?
 31
   where? oh where?
 32
            did our beach go?
 33
(away. to places colder than our eyes. maybe it needed a holiday)
 34
 
 
or maybe we can still see it
 35
        in all those sharp edges
 36
abandoned on the floor
 37
                
 38
                  sharp edges. its {a} calling.
 39
                  you can see it [in my eyes] lingering
 40
 
 
i lean down and
 41
p
 42
i
 43
    c
 44
k
 45
  u
 46
   p
 47
a piece
 48
 
 
of that shattered glass.
 49
 
 
razor blade edges. its all a joke. because razor blade edges
 50
 
 
                                                      dont scare me anymore
 51
 
 
im more afraid of looking
 52
 
 
             [ in the mirror]
 53

27 Oct 08

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Comments:

Sorry this is been done to death- no originality ..shards nope think of something
more descriptive that shows you have actually seen the reflective geometry of
what was once whole.
ps.
your last line was worthy.
 — unknown

anybody else?
 — silentspring

hmm.. I know of the satisfaction of smashing glass or a mirror. I don't actually feel anything from your description besides the fact that you actually broke it all over the place, I know when I break something its a quick release, an unthinking moment when you have control over your surroundings. How many times can you look in a mirror before it looks back? LoL
 — Thenameless

hmm thanks thenameless. that actually helped a lot and im definitly going to be making some changes on this. thanks a bunch.
 — silentspring

loved the visual effect of your words...
 — LONER

I really really liked this a lot!!!!
 — psychofemale

im not sure what to think!
 — unknown

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