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Ireland
unknown

The bitter taste
 1
of you and me together
 2
has melted, its aroma singing aloof
 3
disgusted
 4
in a cup of spilling sorrow.
 5
 
 
You lay there cocooned
 6
on a parched rag of earth
 7
baited like an archaic mermaid
 8
gleaming in hope and butterfly skin
 9
shreds of bones
 10
and a tattered trousseau
 11
squirming under sulfurous sunlight
 12
cursing
 13
with lipstick laden lips chewed in ire.
 14

9 Nov 08

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

I like this very much. It's powerful, very original and true from start to finish. The more I read the more I marvel - I particularly love the other-wordly mermaid imagery with which you reveal such compassion. This is one of your best trochee and improves on lots of readings, just as the most interesting, multi-layered poems always do.

This has a timeless quality that I love. It is also very beautiful and lyrical. Impressed.
 — smugzy

m ire d
in adjectives
and alliteration
 — unknown

Interesting perspective.  I don't find the alliteration overdone as on reading the poem several times I didn't even register the alliteration, so it's working for me. Again, the adjectives don't interrupt the flow of this as each word conveys something.
 — smugzy

taste - together
spilling -sorrow
parched -earth
arch ai  c - merm ai d
tattered -troussea
squirming sulfurous sun
lipstick lips
 — unknown

Thanks sweet smugzy.
alright unknown. it may seem a little wordy to you but i am sure it was required.

thanks again smugs ;) muwaah.

thanks unknown. nice.
 — trochee

another great one, troch.
 — 1994

thanks mate.
 — trochee

trochee, I agree with smugzy on every point.  The alliteration is not over-done, in fact I believe it's what makes the poem read so smoothly.  Nice work.
 — PaulS

go raibh maith agaibshe...

Maidin 's tús an lae
's fágaim mo bhaile.
Tá mo chroíse go brón
's fada ar shiúl m'óige.
'S Fágaim mo Bhaile...

Morning and the start of the day
and I leave my home.
My heart is grieving
and my youth is long past.
And I leave my home...
 — unknown

thnks paul
thnks sweet unknown.
 — trochee

i see why people favorited this. you know how to create great images as well as effectively use metaphors. the last word was so efficiently used. don't mean to boast about the grand qualities of this poem but i kind of have to.
 — listen

instead of 'you curse'
get rid of 'you' and make that 'cursing'.


consider leaving out 'with' in l9.

these two changes might solve the run-on feel of s2; which is wonderful. just needs some tweaking.

nice poem.
 — unknown

overdone
 — unknown

hello listen.
thanks unknown 1 (varun?) - good one.
thanks unknown 2.
 — trochee

upon my knee, a bouncing lass

in my glass, a pint of bass



bertie ahern
 — unknown

WHat?
 — trochee

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