poetry critical

online poetry workshop



de-flowering
Aziel

monarch-y flits o'er
 1
fields of Clover
 2
 
 
i am
 3
grounded,
 4
daisy chained,
 5
dirty and unaware
 6
that i'm no longer the sky,
 7
but underneath,
 8
 
 
the half moon--
 9
 
 
he stole me away
 10
to sunflower fields
 11
 
 
bucking shamelessly
 12
against me
 13
flushed
 14
rosy red
 15

13 Nov 08

Rated 8 (7.6) by 10 users.
Active (10): 2, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (9): 1, 3, 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(48 more poems by this author)

(7 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

sdlkfjsdlkfj
 — unknown

bump
 — Aziel

i like this..
 — brother_sun

Very interesting and creative.  I am grounded, daisy chained - wish I had written that!  
 — Isabelle5

the ending is empty and if it could somehow end around line ten it would be, i think, a definitive poem on this topic. it deserves a second edit.
 — geckodrome

Yes, this is very creative.  I really like the line breaks in this and the second stanza is SO powerful.
 — PaulS

Powerful.
 — aurelius

Nice one, loving last 4 lines!
 — photobooth

nice poem
 — chuckle_s

nice writing, Aziel.

mike has a good point but i don't mind
the way this piece is right now.
: )
 — fractalcore

i'm getting really bored of sunflowers,
they're freakin everywhere.

nice poem though.  I'd like to see it end before the flowers come in,
but the bucking (woops i almost typed 'f*cking') is really cool.
nice writing,
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

very good line breaks.

interesting way of describing this strange, sometimes awkward and disorienting event.

i like the use of shamelessly in |12. good word.
 — unknown

flowery 'n well laid out under the swooning half moon Aziel -- a ten for the imagist brevity making many flushed reflections
 — AlchemiA

hot
 — OKcomputer

ps. the fucking is really cool.
 — OKcomputer

Yur good
 — unknown

nice poem.
ending maybe could be sharpened.
 — hank

"blood red" would be stronger. I know you lose the flower theme then, though.  Why the capital for clover?

Love the poem overall.
 — MarcusLane

i could have sworn i already commented and rated this. anyway, good stuff here.

i'll give it a quick 7.
 — mould_jesus

yes i very well remember commenting on how i like the phrase "bucking shamelessly."

this conveys your image quite well.
 — mould_jesus

the wording of this poem is really nice..."i'm no longer the sky, but underneath the half moon--"...cool image right there.

very nice job
 — lexare24

3Xz8uc  pdaorwwnlfes, [url=http://wabrsguxrtjg.com/]wabrsguxrtjg[/url], [link=http://bxyotixcmtbf.com/]bxyotixcmtbf[/link], http://fasdsyyiyyqd.com/
 — unknown

oh lovely. love the bucking part -- Eugene
 — unknown

0.32s