poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Old Man Sat In Porch

All of him withered,
shrunk back into his street,
in shadow dark as caves,
a megolith who wished himself noble,
here in his own shade,
among twitching curtains,
stone scrubbed steps.
The sunlit summer day played
along an opposite wall,
he was immobile, fettered,
stalled among faint traces
of far away days,
fermented in his fanciful imagination.

14 Nov 08

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 8

(define the words in this poem)
(727 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


i want more of the man, i'd like to smell him, just not see his surroundings. but then i like peoples.
 — bettalpha

Dear bettalpha

Sometimes more is less.

larry less lark
 — larrylark

The character in this poem, though lack wide description, is very imaginable, and that is the strength of this poem.  I found a little subject confusion in the second stanza, though maybe on purpose, with the summer day personified was it he or the man who was immobile?  Im sure you ment the man as the summer day was described actively and the man more negatively.  Shrunk and Caves works nicely together, though i wonder if it would be more effective if you could some how de-generalize "caves" into a more fitting particular "cave" that this old man has sunk back into.  The turn in sense at the end of the poem is a nice twist that puts a nice positive ending on a bit of a negative connotation of an old detached man, who the reader can see as blissful rather than lonely.

Good read!
 — MCulyer

Thanks for the crit. You have taken time and trouble and i appreciate that. He was blissful,I had the pleasure to know him well.

Larry old man fan Lark
 — larrylark