poetry critical

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Drug House

She fell forward from the house,
her baby followed, maimed by indifference.
The shriek and shout of that universe inside
shifted down the street.
At least some hand had remembered to strap it in.
"Mummy, Mummy!"
The soother was sucked beneath the seat.
No one bothered to tell her;
now they were both screaming.

14 Nov 08

Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
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i like this a lot. the meaning is pleasantly obscure. either that or i missed the point. in any case i like the way this reads. has your touch of humor, but conveying something serious, as indicated by the title, the strong lines, etc.

nice work.
 — listen

so what
 — unknown

dear listen

Its about despair and desperation that seperates people from what is beneficial and plunges them into a world of degregation.

Larry social worker Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Unknown

You post modern existentialist view on this situation does you proud.

Larry pre modern Lark
 — larrylark

Love this!
 — dannyprice

Really strong poem. Like this very  much.
I wonder if line 2 would be stronger, if you cut "maimed by indifference."
Or moved it to another line.
 — PatriciaSan