poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Weather (to die for)

I want to be wasted
by the wind, liquidated by
the rain, murdered by the sun.    
I want to die in a hail of hail,
explode as the thunder strikes.
I want to be stunned by the snow
and buried 'neath an avalanche
of daffodils.

25 Nov 08

Rated 10 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (1): 9

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(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

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YES!  Creative, energetic, great lines throughout.  
 — Isabelle5

I reallly enjoyed this poem. They energy was amazing. It kept my pulse racing as i read each line. good work.
 — MGW

I want to be wasted
by the wind, liquidated by
the rain, dissipated in the sun.

I want to pale in a flail of hail
as thunder rails.

I don't want to be shunned by snow
or buried 'neath an avalanche
of daffodils
 — unknown

yeah i wasn't fond of line four either.
hail of hail doesn't work right, whereas flail of hail works better.
other than that
love it :)
 — 1994

Wow! powerful stuff in so few words.  I agree with the others about L4, but hell's bell's it still rates a 10.
 — PaulS

Ta for all the comments. Glad this has gone down pretty well so far. It's a pity   about "I want to die in a hail of hail" but it's one of my favourite bits, heh!

unk - you've taken my ball, burst it and stuck it up your jumper.
 — unknown

I like hail of hail. Love this. It's unpredictable and funny.
 — smugzy

Good news, smugz, cheers :)
 — unknown

I think hail of hail is very good!  What else could it possibly be?  This reminds me very much of my own Mother of Storms.  It's the same raw nature kind of feel.
 — Isabelle5

Heh! Ic an't imagine you being anything but "a nice mother". Glad we're on same wavelength - at least for this one. ;)
 — unknown