30 Nov 08
Rated 2 (4.8) by 4 users.
Inactive (3): 1, 2, 2, 4, 8, 8, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(452 more poems by this author)
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space bar broke?
after all the sugarlove poems coming down here recently, this is fresh. fresh as a carnation, but fresh and more consistent than not. what you're doing is showing the truth of poetry as 'phrasing', showing that it's not about one ironic put-down word. that's refreshing.
humm, looking at the lamer comment 'space bar...' i'm glad you did this, even if it's just to show the tweety-pies that writing is about writing.
Ikindalikethis. It'sgotaflavorallitsownanditremindsmeo fchocolatesyrupbeingdrizzledovericecream. However, it does make for some challgenging reading where the each line is so crammed together in clusters of letters. It's stylish though, but done before, I believe (maybe E.E. Cummings?) Nonthelessithinkit'scoolinitsownright.  ; :-)
cummings didn't do this kind of phrase merging, and cumming's lower-case is something he picked up from reading other languages. but, certainly cummings was never ballsy enough to do what hank's doing here.
you still need to write a proper poem joey.
great format hank .. joy to read
Try Dylan Thomas also. He enjoyed his space though - helped with the drinking.
the intelligent people like this -- starr and mongrol -- and that's proof i think that it works, that it's a real poem. but, people like plots, but in this case it's hard to work this, you have to read it, and that's beyond plot.
again, i think the truth in this is the truth that poetry works in phrases and not as a set of smart words. one talks the talk, but this, by joining language with the body and its motions, walks the walk.
Nice imagery within the word-mash, your stuff's really readable once you learn to read it