could do without the second i remember make it more interesting
nice poem, hank — varun
in attempting to package a moment you've forgotten to include the feeling you had of the moment. that makes this 'expressionist', where the kind of language becomes the poem. this one needs more bark to take it out of poodle. — geckodrome
i like it but it is the same poem to me without four and five.
i love the idea, but its such a good one, dont hesitate to rethink the whole dng thing.
nice! you use the bastard rhyme to have somehow put DIVING in my head.
the rhyme which should sound awkward doesnt.
im all into that! — gnormal
Agree with varun on this one,
and also I feel "i was afraid" sounds better in l8 — unknown
Sorry, "I was afraid during"
in lue of "I was scared of" in l8 — unknown