Young girl, no more than eighteen,
shovelled three howling kids into a buggy.
There was grim determination in her work,
expertly pinned each down, tightening straps
across laps at lightening speed.
I could see what the bus queue thought.
“How the hell was she going to get that thing
onto the number 16, along with all the stuff
she’d bought?” Here it comes, destination Farry Park,
somewhere out there in the dark, an estate for single mums.
She swings it up and on in one smooth movement.
What place of education teaches such skills
that I am tempted to fill the air with applause?
Kids gone quiet, all dummied, spick, span, noses blown.
That night her young man will arrive and be dressed down
14 Apr 09
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dont feel bad for her shell be ok
it's not a bad story except.. where does the young man fit in if she is a single mum?
Very enjoyable read. I've said before how I envy the ability to take these ordinary moments and turn them into poetry--I've never been able to manage this type of write.
I really like the sentiment and the way you've expressed it in L12-13.
I'm guessing the young man in the final statement would be the boyfriend but not the father?
I'm hoping she's older than she looks! I'm tired out reading this and hoping also that the young man arriving will be a stranger, a good surprise, casual and easy about her and the children, ready to fit right in to things. That was my take on 'dressed down,' I don't want to think of him as being bitched at by this busy, tired woman.
Maybe he was supposed to have driven her to where she was going? Maybe that'd be the reason for the dress down?
I still really enjoyed reading this.
Wonderful. I know I should say more, but I feel like applauding too.
this is a nice observation of what just could've been me
once upon a time
only i would've been tense and sweating
and crying or swearing under my breath
because no one ever held the door for me and my double-seated buggy.
nice real life poem.
fembot: lots of single mums have boyfriends =-)
There are many advantages in having your kids young in whatever the circumstances. I had my first child , in the sense of being a father, at the age of 33 and we still have the two boys at home which is a marvel for a man of advancing years like wot i is, so it works all ways i guess. Children are a gift
Larry four times blessed Lark.
I saw him as a boyfriend but not the father of the children and i saw mum as having the kids with different dads who may or may not now be on the scene. I have seen this frequently in the area i live in and pass no judgement knowing the circumstances in which some of these young girls were brought up which significantly impacts on their life situations
Larry social observer Lark
I guess you are right. Thanks for the enjoyable crit.
I had exactly that take on it
Larry great minds Lark
He is like her, just out of pimples and it probably isn't and won't be a steady or permanant relationship. I used dressed down to leave the poem open ended....is it sexual, a telling off, or maybe like with her kids she likes people to look right
Larry always immacuteately dressed down in a slightly trampish way Lark
I was one who started young, began raising kids at 21.
Chu 6 times blessed ckles
It's very straight-ahead, unadorned in the narrative (which is not necessarily a bad thing); it's tightly-drawn and nicely constructed. Very solid work.
I bet it was tough chuclkles but with lots of laffs along the way