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Deer in the Headlights
PaulS

How quickly it happened,
 1
eyes meeting in a halogen flash,
 2
 
 
my humanness dissolving
 3
in a split-second rush of adrenalin.
 4
 
 
I became mountain and meadow,
 5
wind and water, stone and star.
 6
 
 
I became the light of the earth—
 7
 
 
a comet streaking through the night sky—
 8
tail on fire.
 9

2 May 09

Rated 9 (8) by 6 users.
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Any comments or suggestions?
 — PaulS

Bump!
 — PaulS

This is a resounding insight into the nature of us, as human, in our animalness, and our divinity.. there in the switched course of thought we cascade through oursleves, from body to great spirit, and burn for ourselves knowing who we are in these moments, greater, and lesser ..

this is deeply sad, and a capsule of everything .. i love how those poems can construct a world with so little, and so powerful moments ..

a good read .. especially lines 5 and 6 :)
 — Feminoid

Thanks for the great comment Feminoid.  It was an intense and intamite moment that I tried to capture here.
 — PaulS

Wow, halogen flash is so good!  I am wondering at the end if you are the deer or if you are only imagining about the deer.  I like it either way but I would like to know.
 — Isabelle5

ahhh you switched to right-brain whole-picture state -- when in an urgency time-goes-slow-motion and you lick honey from the razors edge -- you've grasped the feeling in this 'lil imagism poem with the middle strophes rendering this elegantly -- the first strophe sets-up the where 'n what while the title tells us the story -- lingering from the great-end note, rather obtusely, I keep thinking 'well did you hit the deer'? then I read into the 'tail on fire' that the deer bolted off, tail on fire -- nice imagery here -- the first line could be stronger as it kinda falls short of the electrifying imagery to follow -- maybe thats good, a state of somnolence preceding the high-energy almost accident -- nice imagistic poem
 — AlchemiA

Isabelle, I let the reader take what they will from this :)
 — PaulS

AlchemiA, thanks for the great crit and no, I didn't hit the deer.
 — PaulS

any other comments?
 — PaulS

humanness???
 — unknown

Well, then, in my mind, you have become the deer as it soars over the car (your life) and sets fire to the world, both poetic and concrete!  
 — Isabelle5

Wow!.  I like your interpretation of this Isabelle, cool--and very close!
 — PaulS

This poem is very "deer" to me.  LOL!  I can literally FEEL this entire scenario as if I was right there with you.  Your poetry continues to mature and evolve.  I'm proud of you, Paul.  Like wine, it just gets better with time.  This is a good one and the use of metaphor shows that you're "feeling" the language.  Keep up the good work.  :-)
 — starr

Thanks starr.  You don't know how much your comment means to me :)
 — PaulS

i find the metaphors tiresome


nuance would help
 — unknown

Well, I disagree unkown, but thanks for reading just the same.
 — PaulS

Wow! How'd I miss this poem?  I like it...nice write.
 — JKWeb

Thanks JKWeb, glad you like it :)
 — PaulS

how quickly it happened, my humanness dissolving, i became mountain and meadow, i became the light of the earth-tail on fire... anyway you look at it ... paul is this a little different style of your writing, it seems to me there are different words and thoughts this time around? i could be wrong... just something i sorta sense, you are the light of the writing skill here among few others, please continue to feed us your works they are a worthy meal indeed   j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Yes goeszon this is different from my usual, thanks for reading.  I appreciate your comments on my writing skills, but there are many here who are much more advanced than I am--I'm just a babe in the woods compared to others here.
 — PaulS

PaulS, please be so kind to a fellow poet as to help my english language comprehension by explaining what makes "Pray I'll Age Softly like the Other Good Men" such a good piece of writing, and what exactly the metaphor of that poem is? thank you PaulS.
 — unknown

if you were a fellow poet I would attempt do do that, but since you are posting as an unknown I don't know that to be a fact.  And please, do not clutter up the crit space for my poem commenting on someone elses.  good noght.  
 — PaulS

Unknown, i refer you back to starr's poem for your answer.
 — PaulS

Oh! double ones--even better, thanks.
 — PaulS

I love this Paul. The very same thing happened to me on a dual-carriageway - I was so happy that I didn't hit the deer that my spirits were instantly lifted with gratitude but at the same time I felt a bit spaced out/panicky at the sense of what might have been/almost was.

This is different from your other poems. Very visual. A light touch.
 — smugzy

Thanks smugzy.  As usual, your cmments are much appreciated.
 — PaulS

nice. i love sparing poems like this. so open to interpretation, powerful imagery ... but worded perfectly.
 — listen

Thanks for that comment listen:)
 — PaulS

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