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Pray Upon a Starr
DeformedLion

i.
 1
 
 
I think maybe I have dreamed too long,
 2
wrapped in sheets, in clay hands,
 3
caught in pretty circles and
 4
grace of stars.
 5
 
 
have shuttered eyes,
 6
vainly searching skin
 7
of light, bough of
 8
tree, love of heart...
 9
 
 
 
 
the sweep
 10
of fiery atoms and dark wishes
 11
eclipse thought,
 12
drown reason.
 13
eye-lids melting,
 14
warping sundreamt skin,
 15
to find small
 16
bodies of our
 17
past--
 18
 
 
ghost in flesh.
 19
 
 
ii.
 20
 
 
i feel so hazy,
 21
so unheard.
 22
feel like water
 23
on sand as
 24
bare feet arrive
 25
to place me in their
 26
stead.
 27
 
 
i fear this life so crawl
 28
on atoms, fear this
 29
death so must sing to
 30
stars of the final homecoming,
 31
on flight of wings
 32
born from
 33
seldom melody.
 34
 
 
must skip stones
 35
over walls of water,
 36
must hurry hands
 37
through altered
 38
minds, must
 39
ask of love
 40
just a kiss
 41
before this
 42
rushing dark--
 43
 
 
for dream folds
 44
into light infernal.
 45
 
 
iii.
 46
 
 
pray then dear,
 47
that this man
 48
of boy, and
 49
boy of man will
 50
endure in the gaze
 51
of gods and
 52
wisp of air,
 53
to stand as Man
 54
in coastless womb
 55
of stars.
 56

4 May 09

Rated 8 (7.4) by 5 users.
Active (5): 10, 10, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 2, 3, 4, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

homage's to starr's 'Pray I'll age softly...' are variations on the theme and in the music -- here you've played a finely tuned piece with your own particular style of poetic rendering -- much in keeping to starr's brilliant imagism your piece becomes more like an impressionistic imagism piece with adagio cadences blurring the edges between colour-sound-word -- nicely crafted DF

starrs -- http://www.poet rycritical.net/read/55386/

TP's -- http://www.poet rycritical.net/read/55449/

Alc's -- http://www.poet rycritical.net/read/55458/

fractals -- http://www.poet rycritical.net/read/55462/
 — AlchemiA

grace of
skin of
bough of
love of
sweep of
bodies of
stars of
flight of
walls of
ask of
man of
boy of
gaze of
wisp of
womb of
"By the hoary hosts of Hoggath!"
 — chuckle_s

i think this is very nice, but something i feel you do is to pull out only from your land sight and not from a visionary place -- it's as though you could see the animals and humans around you, and arrange them like pieces in a game -- or, nicer, on a stage -- but the problem is that they're all looking just the way you want them to -- otherwise, you wouldn't have seen them. and, the alternate way is to go inside your own consciousness and see what animals appear -- animal seas and forests -- and watch them move and see how they move, and then arrange it so that they walk across your stage on their own terms -- in that way where all the words are absolutely of the same dimension even while giving the illusion of this 'many things in many places' you try to present. to me, this poem comes off as pressed into a way of saying, but too busy as wording because so many of your images don't sit well together.
 — trashpoodle

God, this is so tender, masculine and beeaUTIFUL, D.L.  !!!  LOVE IT!  Great, great writing, my friend and I am sincerely touched and moved by your homage.  You're too cool, my brotha.  Thanks, Andrew.  :-)
 — starr

No, Thankyou.

...
 — DeformedLion

Very well written DL.  To me, this is one of the best of your many pieces I have read, one of the best on this site really.  the whole poem is beautiful, but the last stanza is brilliant--very touching work, poet.
 — PaulS

hey Paul, thanks for the kind words...it seems i have written many poems now for Starr- or because of him. I think its just the "energy" of his words, positive flow, light of light...whereas Mike gives a more cerebral and intellectual shape to influence, and kind of force me into words. jj- is most important too!

anyway it seems TP's work isn't on here anymore. which is a shame. i hope he will repost it.
 — DeformedLion

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