poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Indian Production Model
larrylark

Up in the dark room
 1
miles of petroleum reports were held to the light.
 2
Much gas was expended on production streamlining,
 3
new designs, and how to sell to India.
 4
“Nearly one billion poor souls wearing out their feet.”
 5
The possibilities were seen as endless.
 6
 
 
Soon they got pumped up and roaring.
 7
“We can and will do it.” someone screamed,
 8
while far away in Jaipur, a small boy vroom vroomed
 9
though his dreams, watching his own exhaust lured
 10
towards the coast, with bucket and spade attached to the rear.
 11

15 May 09

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 8

(define the words in this poem)
(666 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Great work here, 8/10, the juxtaposition of an economic reality against a child's vision leaves a lot of talking room, and the trick is putting it just right.

9 is my favorite line.

The last 5 lines are all middle stopped, it kinda feels like a run on sentence I think.
 — technomancer

nice poem, larrylark.

were you in delhi too? should have said! :)

vrooming through dreams varun.
 — unknown

Hi technomancer

I too was not sure about the punctuation at the end but i think more full stops might have interrupted the dream like flow of the little boys sleep
 — larrylark

I am frequently in my deli verun for i am a bit of a gourmet when it comes to chile pigs tritters sauted in sour marmalade with a dash of Gentlemans Relish and tourniquet potatoes. I'll look out for you next time I''m in there. By the way, just so you don't miss me I'll be wearing a bright pink revolving bow tie which plays God Save The Queens backwards.

Larry foodster Lark
 — larrylark

can you bring me one of those when you do come? i love pink bow ties that sing songs backwards.
good day to you sir.
 — unknown

dear unknown

your wish is my command

Larry pink bowed and tongue tied Lark
 — larrylark

0.244s