|Hear Me Roar
I've always loved to read
about women who don't
They charge toward men
with open intentions and
long wild hair.
They wear silver
and turquoise rings,
and a gold souvenir
from a comfortable lover
always around their necks;
I would give anything
to be written that way.
I think about these women
every night as I
watch my own dark mascara
make gray marks
on my blue washcloth.
I will toss the black aside
and let my hair grow.
1 Jun 09
Rated 9 (9) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8
Inactive (2): 7, 9, 10, 10
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Yes, toss it! It only grows fungus and gives you eye infections! Grow it, curl it, hurl yourself toward whomever you want.
I love this, it's free, it's open and honest, like a woman standing naked in front of her mirror, saying, Goddamit, that's IT!" Refreshing. I can't find any line to take exception with.
Thank you for your wonderful comment Isa, I was fully satisfied with this. I do believe every woman has some wild-haired spirit in her ( -:
i really enjoy this. the promise of kicking butt tomorrow is just too good to pass up.
thanks silent, though i'm not sold on the title, i'm mulling over some others...
I haven't come to this sight in a long while - I'm so glad I've found your poetry now that I'm back. I love this poem as it is. It speaks to me on a number of levels - I was very excited as I realized I don't wear mascara and have too-long hair! :) Were you looking to make some revision to this text, here are some ideas...
 Maybe this poem should embody these women, the way you'd love to be written. Perhaps the lines could sprawl across the page, like these ladies charging man headlong and with gorgeous abandon. Yes, maybe sprinkle the aesthetics of this poem with wreckless abandon - longer lines....
 To pack even more punch into these great lines, consider your line integrity. Many believe each line in a poem should do work, have purpose, be thoroughly intentional. Do you believe this? Are you not sure? If not, try it with this poem. Rearrange so each line is fabulous enough to stand alone, as it own poem.
A pleasure to read - I'll definitely to making my way over to your other poems asap!
thank you very much Words, i'll take some time to go over your suggestions, i appreciate your taking the time to make them so thorough, thanks for reading!
Love the "matter-of-factness" in your write. This could have so easily run to whining or self-pity in the hands of the wrong poet. You are clearly the right poet for this write. L4-6 are absolutely wonderful. I second Isabelle's opening comment. I see no room for improvement. Excellent, strong piece.
thanks sybarite, i'm very glad you liked this piece, i've been trying to get this sentiment down for months!
a refreshing write, lovely
The title drew me in and I was not disapointed--a very strong write.
Nice to see this back up front--I think it deserves some more reads.
appreciate your reading it sybarite ( -:
So glad you enjoyed it PaulS
i'd drop the 'long', in 6, since it's not really adding and where it is on the line makes it seem important. the 'wild' carries the idea well.
Wild doesn't imply long, long stays
Thanks SF :)