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Hear Me Roar
sherains

I've always loved to read
 1
about women who don't
 2
wear mascara.
 3
 
 
They charge toward men
 4
with open intentions and
 5
long wild hair.
 6
 
 
They wear silver
 7
and turquoise rings,
 8
and a gold souvenir
 9
from a comfortable lover
 10
always around their necks;
 11
 
 
I would give anything
 12
to be written that way.
 13
 
 
I think about these women
 14
every night as I
 15
watch my own dark mascara
 16
make gray marks
 17
on my blue washcloth.
 18
 
 
Perhaps, tomorrow
 19
I will toss the black aside
 20
and let my hair grow.
 21

1 Jun 09

Rated 9 (9) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 9, 10
Inactive (2): 7, 10

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(22 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

Yes, toss it!  It only grows fungus and gives you eye infections!  Grow it, curl it, hurl yourself toward whomever you want.

I love this, it's free, it's open and honest, like a woman standing naked in front of her mirror, saying, Goddamit, that's IT!"  Refreshing.  I can't find any line to take exception with.
 — Isabelle5

Thank you for your wonderful comment Isa, I was fully satisfied with this.  I do believe every woman has some wild-haired spirit in her ( -:
 — sherains

i really enjoy this. the promise of kicking butt tomorrow is just too good to pass up.
 — silentspring

thanks silent, though i'm not sold on the title, i'm mulling over some others...
-sherains
 — unknown

I haven't come to this sight in a long while - I'm so glad I've found your poetry now that I'm back.  I love this poem as it is.  It speaks to me on a number of levels - I was very excited as I realized I don't wear mascara and have too-long hair! :) Were you looking to make some revision to this text, here are some ideas...

[1] Maybe this poem should embody these women, the way you'd love to be written.  Perhaps the lines could sprawl across the page, like these ladies charging man headlong and with gorgeous abandon. Yes, maybe sprinkle the aesthetics of this poem with wreckless abandon - longer lines....
[2] To pack even more punch into these great lines, consider your line integrity. Many believe each line in a poem should do work, have purpose, be thoroughly intentional.  Do you believe this? Are you not sure? If not, try it with this poem.  Rearrange so each line is fabulous enough to stand alone, as it own poem.  

A pleasure to read - I'll definitely to making my way over to your other poems asap!
 — WordsAndMe

thank you very much Words, i'll take some time to go over your suggestions, i appreciate your taking the time to make them so thorough, thanks for reading!
 — sherains

Love the "matter-of-factness" in your write.  This could have so easily run to whining or self-pity in the hands of the wrong poet.  You are clearly the right poet for this write.  L4-6 are absolutely wonderful.  I second Isabelle's opening comment.  I see no room for improvement.  Excellent, strong piece.
 — sybarite

thanks sybarite, i'm very glad you liked this piece, i've been trying to get this sentiment down for months!
 — sherains

a refreshing write, lovely
 — unknown

The title drew me in and I was not disapointed--a very strong write.
 — PaulS

Nice to see this back up front--I think it deserves some more reads.
 — sybarite

appreciate your reading it sybarite ( -:
 — sherains

So glad you enjoyed it PaulS
 — sherains

i'd drop the 'long', in 6, since it's not really adding and where it is on the line makes it seem important. the 'wild' carries the idea well.
 — trashpoodle

ugnore poodle.
best way.
 — unknown

ignore poodle.
best way.
 — unknown

Wild doesn't imply long,  long stays
-sherains
 — unknown

WOW...:)
 — psychofemale

Thanks SF :)
-sherains
 — unknown

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