poetry critical

online poetry workshop



jesus christ
unknown

why do you
 1
always take
 2
the lords name
 3
in vain?
 4
asks my coworker
 5
mark.
 6
 
 
i'd just said something
 7
to another coworker
 8
about the lord blessing me
 9
with his golden cock
 10
by seeing fit
 11
to let me
 12
simultaneously date
 13
two women
 14
proficient at head.
 15
 
 
i tell him:
 16
i'm a heartless bastard
 17
given to cynicism mark
 18
it's just my way.
 19
 
 
well i wish you'd knock it off
 20
it's no different
 21
than me
 22
using the n word around ray,
 23
he says
 24
nodding to our
 25
black coworker.
 26
 
 
my natural impulse
 27
is to verbally bitch-slap him
 28
for raping logic
 29
and ask why it is
 30
i should have to
 31
walk on egg-shells
 32
around intellectual stillbirths.
 33
 
 
but his lips
 34
are white
 35
with anger.
 36
so out of pity
 37
i placate him
 38
with improvisational
 39
elevator music.
 40
 
 
i've always said
 41
mark's a prime candidate
 42
to show up at work
 43
with a gun someday.
 44
 
 
now i know
 45
 
 
i'll be
 46
 
 
his first shot.
 47

2 Jul 09

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Comments:

disagree with the sentiments, but it's written well
 — Ananke

you should think about turning this into a short story. it sounds like it could be. but still works as a poem.
 — iAMb

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