the maiden moon
my eyes burn
like the remnants
of stars spit
from a black hole
21 Jul 09
Rated 6.4 (7) by 7 users.
Active (7): 1, 10, 10
Inactive (1): 1, 1, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(6 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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a re-post. cuz i like the delete button so much.
and Saturn returns to square your sun...
cool poem...though I wish there were more...
it's like hearing a song you like but it's only 2-1/2 minutes long
ah hah people have said that about my songs before, too ;)
many thanks, once again, JK.
...tell me more about the return of Saturn...
one of the better poems on this site. this is complete.
I agree--beautiful work.
and with the return of Saturn, maybe it's not a huge deal this isn't longer,
at least you didn't waste words...you're sun is squared 10 fold :)
raskolniikov: a great compliment, and i'm pleased to see this made your favorites. Thanks.
PaulS: very glad you enjoyed this too and took the time to comment. Thanks.
Once again... hit with two '1's' sans comment; typical of this site.
like the full stop in line 1
don't like ellipses
dont need "like the" in 7
hole could take its own line
try no full stop in 11
no parens in 12
cool. not yet scored.
noodleman: this seems concise enough to me -- removing the bits you suggested would emaciate it. However, I am considering removing the full stop in line 11, per your suggestion. The parens in line 12 are essential, as it is a 'whisper' word sorta(afterthought)
comment is more important than rating. thank you.
do you have any other poems?
fractal.. <3. thanks for the fave. :)
R.I.P. Sarah... I miss you so much, I Havent been to this page since you left us... Today's my birthday;maybe come visit me in my dreams tonight...? love you always, your little sis.
dear Sarah's sister,
I'm extremely sorry for you loss. She was an excellent poet and seemed like a very cool person.
beautiful poem, beautiful poet.
the play on consolation/constellation is lovely
as you were, Sarah Michelle.
I pity those who were cruel to you.
id think you could drop the parenthesis though?