poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Kiss n' Tell (1952)
larrylark

Ran aimless with Teresa May,
 1
played behind zinc bath, punched rusty with holes,
 2
hung on hook above pile of coal,
 3
breathing stalled. Footfalls of red sandals
 4
stole over back yard stones past the mangle,
 5
always close to home.
 6
 
 
I preferred being caught,
 7
shelved hide and seek for “kiss and tell."
 8
No one fell in love.
 9
 
 
Cool lip taste of strawberry cream,
 10
Neapolitan ice made every filling scream.
 11
I was edgy, even then avoided shadows.
 12
Trails we blazed? Half remembered scenes;
 13
tugged at the edge of a monochrome dream.
 14

14 Sep 09

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 7, 7

(define the words in this poem)
(669 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Now, is this your real style or not? Are you submitting poetry here as J. Harrison too? Well, this one is better. I can taste the tobacco between Dad's lips and imagine what it would have been liked to have been chased around the bathroom by him!! What a slice of life!!
 — 2queer2fear

Hi 2queer2fear

What a pity its all a total fabrication and a complete lie, as well as well as being untrue

Larry 7queens7heavens Lark
 — larrylark

Not sure really - maybe some editing?  Can't see the point of the first stanza at all - it seems to act as filler more than anything - distracting from the main event. You have plenty of pointers and signposts from the second stanza onwards. The last stanza is very prosaic and explanatory - I don't think line 16 is right at all - it's clunky, but I enjoyed the rest!
 — opal

Have edited but maybe its another one for the bin
 — larrylark

mmmmm its starting to grow on me.......now where did i put the fungel spray

Larry moulsy old bastard Lark
 — larrylark

0.4s