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Gray Wolf
PaulS

In my dreams
 1
your shadow rides
 2
the face of the moon,
 3
your golden eyes peer
 4
through the thorned thicket
 5
of history.
 6
 
 
We once were brothers
 7
on the other side,
 8
when both man and beast
 9
could see in the dark,
 10
 
 
but my ancestors
 11
chose a different path,
 12
moved away from the light,
 13
eyes paled with indifference.
 14
 
 
Come, lie beside me in my dreams,
 15
gray one—
 16
 
 
feel my shame.
 17

23 Sep 09

Rated 8.3 (8.7) by 11 users.
Active (11): 8, 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (6): 1, 3, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(5 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

    "To him who in the love of Nature holds
  Communion with her visible forms, she speaks
  A various language."   William Cullen Bryant
  In his piece he would have looked at yours
  with a knowing heart and would perhaps
  had smiled ... good poet he would probably say...   j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Creatures of the night
They stalk, they hunt, they bite;
Yet, true it is, nature's way
Man and beast could not lay.

This poem reminds me of the Underworld movie.

Nice write, good read, give us more.
 — raveneffect

nicely written
 — unknown

excellent-
the whole poem is great but
I especially like the end lines 15-17
nICE lee dunn..
 — JKWeb

'when both man and beast...' is not so happy a writing... it's commercial filler, and the whole thing's to make a poem for a plot, and push the reader into some kind of elevated 'literary' moment -- it's whoring poetry -- using the idea of poetry to sell the cheap story.
 — trashpoodle

ignore poodle.
he is a cunt.
best way.
 — unknown

never ask a man to ignore a cunt. it's against nature.
 — trashpoodle

but you are invariably
the exception that proves the rule

cunt poodle
 — unknown

then, gnaw away, o, wise one, and show me how to become a prick.
 — trashpoodle

not good
too heavy

ugh
 — unknown

Thanks to everyone above for reading and thanks to raveneffect and JKWeb for adding it as a favorite.
 — PaulS

I think you could delete line 8 without wounding the poem.  I love the first stanza, all of it, every word is where it should be.

I don't think you need 'both' in line 9, you already indicated in line 7 that you were brothers.  If you're keeping the period end of line 10, you shouldn't begin line 11 with But, as but is a joining word, not a beginning word.  

Didn't we move toward the light, that's why our eyes are light?  We don't need the many mirrors in our eyes to reflect light in the night.  

Lie beside me, not lay.  Not sure why you are shamed.  The wolf is returning to the wild in Yosemite, we are helping!  Perhaps something besides shame?  Feel my blood, feel my heat, feel my wildness.  Or "Let me feel the wildness again."

I like the idea but not the presentation as much as most of your poems, Paul.  That's just my opinion but you can make this more beautiful and more meaningful.  I hope for revisions!  
 — Isabelle5

No prob.
 — raveneffect

Thanks, Isabelle, I made some of your suggested changes.  In line 8, “the other side” is in reference to what poet Gloria Evangelina Anzaldua believes is a form of individual and collective identity that acknowledges each person’s multiplicity and interconnectedness with others, both human and nonhuman.  “Moved away from the light” is also in reference to how we’ve moved away from that collective identity—because what we’ve been trained to see over the years influences what we believe and therefore how we act, which in many cases is with indifference.
In earlier times, there were 2 million or more wolves world-wide, whereas now there is an estimated 200,00 in 57 countries.  “Feel my shame” is for all mankind, not just for myself.  I hope this helps to understand why I wrote this the way I did.

And Mike, if this is “whoring poetry,” so be it.
 — PaulS

I understand, thanks for clarifying your ideas.  I watched a show about coyotes last night and thought of this poem.  Coyotes are flourishing in California mainly because we have no wolves and we are decimating the cougar populations, both predators of coyote.  Another fact which baffles science is that the more you kill coyotes, the bigger litters of pups will be born and survive.  The best thing to do with coyotes is to keep them very afraid of humans, throw sticks and rocks and make huge noises.  It is NOT kind to be nice to them, that is a quick route to their doom.  We don't have a relocate rule here, if they become biters or attack dogs/cats/humans, they are shot.  
 — Isabelle5

I liked this
 — peoplescareT

Thanks for the re-visit isabelle and your comments about coyotes.
Thanks for reading peoplescareT.
 — PaulS

so, what's the point, Paul? why are you writing poetry?
 — trashpoodle

I liked this, and I understood what you were saying , it's beautifully put. I like the imagery too, stays with me.
 — crimsonkiss

nice.
 — listen

Thanks for reading and commenting, crimsonkiss and listen.
 — PaulS

I think this is beautiful writing, Paul.  The only issue I have with it are L's 9 & 10; not sure why, but I would have to say that they don't really say too much/add too much to the flavor here.  I'd (if it were my poem) let L8 flow right into L11.  There's more breathiness there and it would tie the two lines together w/o all the "clunk."  Otherwise, beautiful and flavorful in your usual signature style of writing.  :-)
 — starr

Thanks for the comment starr, I'll give some thought to your suggestions.
 — PaulS

Nice
 — Ebony

great Paul -- the brother to the wolf is called T'sleil wa tuth in West Coast Salish; the Burrard Indian Band with Chief Dan-George -- I've always been a brother of the Wolf and the HummingBird --

thighs of steel let loin in blood lust gorge,
fearless glances, a raging wolf like urge,
stalking silently, watching! guttural growl,
when the moon rises, so then do I howl,
the mystery of an animals wild lament,
a lusting ache in smelling your sweet scent,
urges that take me to a restless ferocity,
rolling over and over, circling continuously,
looking up to howl longing into night,
a fearless lunacy with orb reflecting light,
panting passion, shining moonlit eyes,
an ancient urge that never really dies...
 — AlchemiA

Very dreamlike soothing I enjoyed reading it.
 — frugal

Thanks for the feedback, Ebony, AlchemiA and frugal.  Thanks for faving, Poetry555 and RaynesEnd.
 — PaulS

A very lycanthropic poem (hope I spelled it right). Reminds me of "Underworld" which I think it's excellent.
 — Redlander

Thanks Redlander, I appreciate the comment.
 — PaulS

i'm so happy this poem is rated so high, that way everyone can learn from this poem, your poetry, this is truly awesome.good job. a gray wolf, wow. this is poetry.    
 — unknown

wonderful, you don't give it all away and i like that about this.
 — Caducus

Thanks for the comments unknown and Caducus.
 — PaulS

Thank you for the 3 with no comment--much appreciated.
 — PaulS

I really like your poem PaulS and have a great admiration for wolves too. You've written this very well.  
 — Treadwell

i'm so happy this poem is rated so high, that way everyone can learn from this poem, your poetry, this is truly awesome.good job. a gray wolf, wow. this is poetry.    
— unknown
 — unknown

Thanks for reading and commenting Treadwell--and yes, wolves are admirable creatures.
 — PaulS

AHwOOOOOO  loved mi goodness me,,,,,,
 — Liliana

Liliana, thanks for that wonderful howl :)
 — PaulS

ok, here's me being picky :)

Gray is used as the name

Grey is the colour

i think i'm right, could be wrong ;)


enjoyed your ancestral poem, and the primal lines
 — jharrison

Thanks for the comment jh.  Gray is used in both forms here in the states.  thanks for taking the time to read :)
 — PaulS

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