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the pine's needling

wind ploughed pine needles
round stones and stalks
wovenlawn intertwined
darted into grass stems
rake them once and they align with tines
so you must sweep backforthcrossways
hands the finetoothcomb when clearing
cigarettes burn to stumps while needling

4 Oct 09

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
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Inactive (0): 8

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    you could have almost just written 1 thru 4 and had a beautiful piece which 1 thru 4 was etc... 5 thru 8 was something else i don't know why you didn't keep with the original flow of words in other words it started well, very nice but ended up something different... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

because the first four lines only introduce.
they don't explain.
(my frustration)
the first four lines might be a nice little poem.
but who's after nice little poems?
 — hank

You could end at line 4 and have a complete and lovely poem.  Having raked a peck of pickled pines, I can relate to this!  
 — Isabelle5

Ah, now I see why you feel the need to explain.  Still cute.
 — Isabelle5

the first stanza doesn't explain why i'm writing the poem
 — hank