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Half Empty - for jen from isabelle through me
DeformedLion

sometimes the night bleeds,
 1
like a robber harvesting cash
 2
from the daysun.
 3
 
 
like wheat as it turns
 4
against the cold,
 5
i imagine that it would
 6
want a knitted beanie,
 7
because sand is such
 8
a meanie, pretending
 9
always otherwise.  
 10
 
 
which is why my palms
 11
are coated in ash,
 12
 
 
turning them black like storm
 13
clouds,
 14
 
 
and why so dead you say,
 15
i think it is only the
 16
natural airs of someone
 17
longing for the light,
 18
perhaps a stained reminder
 19
of this world and its
 20
understated charms.
 21
 
 
though sometimes when it
 22
is warm i long for snow,
 23
to steal me from this sun
 24
shot scene, cover me in
 25
white, like gloves
 26
slowly knitting to the
 27
frost.
 28

27 Oct 09

Rated 8.5 (7.5) by 10 users.
Active (10): 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 1, 1, 2, 3, 3, 4, 6, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

lovely DF -- shines in the melancholia of living like the dead in the warm glow of television -- yet caresses like a non-judgmental friend bending rigid fear into hugging arms - nice
 — AlchemiA

Thanks for the spirit of poetry!  
 — Isabelle5

interesting how you've titled this, and how i am able to feel the vibes between both of you.  those last lines are so isabelle, yet cold wheat with knitted beanies is most adorably you.

i like your poem.
thank you linus
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

Is this your new hit single?  I LOVE it!  I'm sure the girlz do too!  xoxo, D.L.!
 — starr

Y'know what makes this so special?  How you channel Isabelle to Jen through your OWN muse!  LOL!  I'd be afraid to channel Isabelle, cuz I might start wigglin' when I walk or sumpthin'!  Then again, if I channelled Jen, I'd be a better poet!  If I channelled YOU, though, I'd bite people!  GRRRRR!!!  Your usual great work!  :-)
 — starr

Well, Starr, thanks for saying I wiggle and Jen can write!  GRRRRR indeed!  haha  Has anyone ever read my original, the one that sparked this?
 — Isabelle5

LOL!  U caught that!  Never seen it (I don't believe.)  What's it called?  :-O
 — starr

It's called Looking Glass - for Jennifer J.  Of course I caught it!!!  I'm a writer but I do know how to read, too!  
 — Isabelle5

Very melancholic and evocative... don't dig the second stanzas so much, but the two stanzas after that are amazing, as is the last one. I also like "perhaps a stained reminder/of this world and its/understated charms".
 — andyleggett

Half-empty? Like your head? Half of the deformed funk known as you brain which was transplanted to your rear? Double the patronage hey?

"sometimes the night bleeds"
: I don't even want to touch this one...those are the words the Dr. said when he saw your buggered -insert orifice here-

"and why so dead you say"
: To be fair he was your 10th customer of the night

"perhaps a stained reminder"
...you hoped it was club soda


"shot scene, cover me in white"....
...well that is your money shot...

Freud would be all over this like the zebras over your transplanted pliant pooper
 — sosfatman

your an old sosasofty asshole.
 — trashpoodle

you held it down together right
till the very end.

very nice.
: )
 — fractalcore

I like to see the cream of woman rising to the top,
again and again. a ten. for jen.  
 — Reid_Welch

Delightful
 — aurelius

Nicely done--a fine tribute to feloow poets.
 — PaulS

Still spinning on the intro. Nicely laid, though.

"I imagine that it would want a knitted beanie..."- light and funny and I'm all smiles.
 — dionnefields

why anyone would write something dedicated to isabelle5 is beyond me.
 — unknown

just to be clear- this is most definetely not dedicated to isabelle.

but she does have a place in its story.
 — DeformedLion

this was nice to read again, brought back some shitty memories.

take care,
jen
 — jenakajoffer

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